-------- "This is the time for action not only words, use your God given gifts to develop this country, dont be afraid to speak up, and feel PROUD THAT U R EGYPTIAN." -------- Mohaly, Feb 2011

Monday, April 16, 2007

Marriage & Virginity - Part II

I believe that this reply from Yasmine Farahat deserves another post of its own to dicuss the importance of virginity in egyptian marriages.

Y. Farahat said:
people make mistakes, men and women. say a girl was foolish and reckless, naive and in love, whatever the reason, but she ended up sleeping with a guy. it's a mistake, she admits it and regrets it. does that mean she is doomed, and would never be able to marry a decent guy? will she be judged forever because of that mistake, however big it is?like khateeb said, this is something that will have to come up in a relationship eventually.if she's dating a guy, and it's going well, and they're considering having a future together (which means that he thinks she's a good person), if she told him that she's not a virgin due to a mistake she regrets. Does that mean that he would end it just because of a mistake?I want you all to think of what i said in a very objective way, and share your thoughts.


Mohaly said...

I'd say: IF I reached this stage of being convinced with the girl, I wont care about her past, coz I question her from the minute we decided to be together.


Tamer Mokhtar said...

its depends & differs from one to one, culture to other, considering religions, surgeries, our mentality's, perceptions, etc...

But my personal expectations that more than 90% will not accept, although they might be done more than this with other girls

But i guess also that the chances to continue marriage is not big, this will always come to his mind when any problem or anything confusing happening.

will share a real story with u "i knew a couple that used to have sex & after couple of months the girl goes to have surgery, and they find it hard to stop, i guess she did it 3 times, i don't have the end of the story cause as it might be the same status"

Howa el sa7 el kol wa7ed ye7aseb 3ala el mashareeb beta3toh, khaloha English :)

Fatiflower said...

Let's look at this issue from religious view.

Sin is sin it has no sex preferences- Allah Ta3ala treatened sinners to meet punishement regardless if she or he who made the sin and Adultery is one of these sins as stated in the Qur'an says "The man and the woman that commit adultery, let them both be stoned to death".`

Yasmine said...

from the religious point of view ya fatiflower bardo, adultry is very hard to prove, there are very delicate conditions that should be fulfilled in order for us humans to judge each other and say, this is an adulterer, stone him/her.

on the other hand, Allah almighty is merciful and forgiving, if you truly repent from the bottom of your heart, he accepts you repentance and forgives you. Neegy e7na el bany2admeen maneghfersh?

we 3ala keda ba2a all guys should be rejected if they've had prior sexual activities.

Mohaly said...

I agree with yasmine, why is it acceptable for the guy (and sometimes encouraged!) to have pre-martial relations, while it is not accepted for girls?!

I am not calling for having pre-martial sex, I am against that (or else why the hell I am virgin till 31!), but I am with being fair with women.

Yasmine said...

To reply to Titi's comment (ezayak ya titi :) ), if we're going to put surgery into consideration (i didn't before), yeb2a kol wa7ed hayshok fe merato, is she a real virgin, or did she have the operation?

yeb2a fel akher u r left with what? the person: is she good? is she kind? will she respect me? will she respect and honor my name? will she be a good mother for my children? will she be supportive through hard times?

TR said...

Yasmine, I'm speechless. Exactly the same that I'd have written(but if it comes from a guy, even girls will say that he's not man enough).
Anyaway, I just wanted to add something. Virginity according to religious belief and cultural heritage is equivalent to purity and innocence and just literally as we interpreted this word. So I'd still marry a non virgin(if she's really good and she regrets that she sinned) rather than marrying one who had the restoration surgery because I think that this surgery just doubles the sin.
I disagree with you guys about that it will be asked sooner or later because if a guy asks this question, it means that he's got no self confidence (and no confidence in his partner), men el akher you have to choose the right girl (or man) that you can get along with, build your relation on respect, understanding, and you'd be blind if you can't read the signs if she wasn't good because you know it just shows.
Take good care that this way of thinking is foreign to us, it's mostly the behaviour of lower classes which dominated our lives in many ways. I think all of our parents taught us to have respect for ourselves and our bodies and to others, so falling into that sin is not that easy ya gama3a for any one man or woman. mesh 3aref ba2a da ra2yee but I still don't know what I'd do if I was stuck in that situation. But I think yeah, I'll judge the person according to her behaviour and I'm not gonna ask that question because even thinking about it will just make me restless and will just keep me busy thinking about it with no way of proving it. Marriage is only built on confidence in one another so if you doubt anything about your partner, leave her (or him) coz there's no way of making a family built on doubt.
We ba3den I believe that allah will give everyone what they deserve, so if you're a good person, sure god will send you the right person for you.

Fatiflower said...

I agree with you Yassmine Allah's Mercy is bigger than we can imagine us humans.
and with Tamer Reszk: Allah says in the holly Qur'an:<< Attayeboun le tayebat wel 7'abeesoun lel khabeesat>>

Tamer Mokhtar said...

ezayek ya Jazz :) the questions u listed and the idea of having operation are happening and valid anyway.

putting myself in this situation, i don't think i'll be fine, haraya7 demaghy we hafook :)

English :)))

ya3ny el shabab tetbest we ana asheel hamohom.

Mohaly said...

I can see the same logic we had in discussing how to deal with a homo friend. Some of us are taking it objectively (whether accepting it or not) and others are still rigid about accepting others or in this case "others fault".

Titi, practically speaking in Egypt, what you say is right. but does every girl "be-tebset" el shabab wala many of them were fooled as well, and what about who is she now? why all of them are the same for you?

Yasmine Ismail said...

I was sure that this will be your answer titi.


Tamer Mokhtar said...

it's not that i'm right and others are wrong, i just would act/decide as i feel comfortable, yes care about myself first.

and i know ya Yasmine that will comment saying this :D


ya gama3a 3la fekra u forgot a very important issue that we can judge just the virginity of a girl but how can she insure the virginity of her so called lover i think that if i were him i would just make her swear that she won't repeat this f..... mistake howa dah el kalam elly ay 7ad beyefham el mafrood ye2olo isn't it???