-------- "This is the time for action not only words, use your God given gifts to develop this country, dont be afraid to speak up, and feel PROUD THAT U R EGYPTIAN." -------- Mohaly, Feb 2011

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

785) Sexual Compatibility & Marriage !

When people get married in Egypt and the Arab World in general, they usually try to know everything about each other and their families, and in pre-arranged marriages, they may even have lists to ask each other to make sure that they are compatible. 

What I am wondering about is how do they know that they are sexually compatible, and do they discuss that or not since it is one of the critical issues in marriage that can lead to its falling apart.

I am also wondering about men in this part of the world who insist that they are perfect and even give us a headache about how great they are in bed, and how many women are on their agenda, while their wives may be complaining about their performance. Do some men think that they know how to please women while they really just make them feel frustrated and sometimes humiliated?

Before someone thinks that I am calling for pre-marital sex, I am not calling for anything, I am just wondering how can you make sure that you are marrying the right person on different levels.

Mohaly

38 comments:

maissa said...

men in egypt dont admit it and escape from discussing it even aftet marriage. My ex husband used to tell me that el set el mo7tarama matetkalemsh fel 7agat di!

Anonymous said...

Umm.. You never know for "sure" anything ya Mohaly.

Stop talking about the theories of marriage and GET MARRIED BA2A!

soulshaker said...

simply, ask yourself: do u have chemistry?.. r u mentally compatible?.. do u have the same values?..if so, then any incompatibility can be solved; she'll be flexible n u too!

whats funny is that married men tend to be the worst in bed, on the basis that the wives they chose "mo7tarameen" as Maissa said! n on the other hand long for great sex with a "non-mo7tarama"lady (according to them)!!!..those poor men are missing a stress-less life full of PURE endorphine..

MEN:" ur wife should be a mother, a friend n a b**** too"

Anonymous said...

i guess it is as simple as when you love somone you would love everything about him/her.
in case of pre-arranged marriages, the only "guarantee" would be to take the time to get to REALLY know eachother, to decide if this is the right partner or not.
i dont see any reason to split the partner-compatability into 2 parts: one is "all other aspects" of the person, which is then closely examined- and the second is the sexual compatability, which is to be examined after marriage. a person is a bunch of all these aspects and should be regarded this way when we decide.

stop wondering,you will know the right person when she comes along, and you love her.
or maybe take that tip: when you stop wondering and start being happy about a certain person being in your life- this is the right partner.

do i make any sense? :-)

Mohaly said...

stop asking me to stop wondering, the day i will stop wondering i will stop thinking and writing.

for me, i talk explicitly with the girl.

Anonymous said...

i didnt mean stop wondering and stop thinking. i meant stop wondering as of leave it till the time comes and you will know the answer.
and with the right person, you woulnd't need to talk about it. you would just KNOW that it is her, and you wouldn't mind anyhting you now think it matters.

do i make any sense? :-)

Mohaly said...

no

Anonymous said...

http://marwarakha.com/?p=90

E N G Y said...

On sexual level as on all other levels, nothig is guranteed!!

It's just if u love the person, u will take the risk..it's as simple as it is!:)

Mohaly said...

sa7 ya engy.

Nouna said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
soulshaker said...

sometimes its very risky to take the risk specially if you have had a risky experience :S

but love is not enough! you can be in love but still collide;you are not on the same wavelength, you have different prespectives of looking at things. emotions come nd go, physical attraction also come nd go, they are never lasting. In marriage, its the VALUES that will keep any incompatibility/misunderstanding to the min.. its the WILL TO GIVE (from BOTH SIDES)that will capture the heart nd make it tender enough to forgive, nd strong enough to sacrifice.. its the BELIEVE/NEED for each others' person that will make us feel complete, WHOLE.. its the "looking forward at the same direction" that will keep us TOGETHER FOR GOOD

Mohaly said...

hmmm so we have 2 opinions, one saying love is the key and the other saying, it is not !

soulshaker said...

I am talking about love too but a wiser, more lasting, realistic version.. I forgot to say too that a "spark" still needs to exist.. for me, I always have to be "on fire" which in a way guarantees sexual comp.nd which takes us back to the issue of values

nd what about your opinion mohaly?

Ze2red said...

I don't think couples ever know for sure if they are compatible on all levels. There is some mystery to be revealed after marriage.

Each one of us will be that risk taker when it comes to something deep down telling him/her that is the one.

Now i'll start wondering with you. If a couple knows for sure they are a match made in heaven, and got married and everything is great except the sexual area, for some reason they can't find/experience what people keep fantasizing about from day one. WHYYYYY don't they talk about it like two grown ups? For heavens sake they are married and that shyness barrier etkasar.

I think at the end of the day it comes down to opening up to each other. Believing it's not 3eeb to talk about the subject. I can't understand people honestly not wanting to talk about it while our religion addresses the subject openly.

Mohaly said...

my opinion is more of what Ze2red said .. couples should open up and talk freely ..

SEX IN MARRIAGE IS LIKE SALARY TO A JOB... It may not be the most important aspect, but you cant work without it.

soulshaker said...

totally right; "transparency", "communication".. but be careful, some girls 'll act the way you like till you are hunted!

Mohaly said...

I am very much aware now of the tricks, and I guess that by now they gotta know that whatever game they are playing... IT IS OVER.

soulshaker said...

IT IS OVER..quite tough!.. however some will do so not to trick you, but to please you, out of love(nd maybe weakness) not deceit.. wrong tho

Mohaly, why dont you write about "Emotional Frustration" ? its much tougher, enduring nd really painful

Mohaly said...

I am emotionally frustrated and I dont wanna right about it now coz I will be hurting others and very much kaman, I dont wanna do that.

soulshaker said...

I understand..

your expectations are blinded or mislead by your needs..but better be frustrated than disappointed

NAMES said...

Marriage is Like a Watermelon... you never know what you've got till you get into it. as for the sexual compatibility unfortunately in our culture it can't be "3ala el sekeen" and I think love is the key and the catalyst that will break shyness barrier and allow them to talk freely.

David M. Matthews said...

Men don't need romance. Ever. That is not to say we don't do romantic things on occasion. Many of us do, with varying degrees of frequency. But for the most part, we do those things completely for you. It helps us get you in an amorous mood. And we're all for that. But men don't need anything, including romance, to get us in the mood for love. We're almost perpetually "ready for action," (and when we're not, there's Viagra). Soft music, low lighting, scented candles, and chocolate-dipped strawberries do little to enhance our passion. We're kind of no-frills when it comes to getting down and getting funky. Just say you want to jump our bones, and that's about as much romance as it takes to get us to shuck our clothes and get down to business.

E N G Y said...

@David-> this is the ugly truth that women/girls don't wanna listen to and won't ever believe. Simply because believe it or not, thinking that it's all abt sex, is a big turn off and who wanna be turned off forever!!

So keep this truth to yourself or to ur boy friends and leave the girls in thier pinky...besides I don't really think that all men think the way u do, some still have something called "emotions"!!

Mohaly said...

I am sorry David, this doesnt apply for all men. I admit that men can have sex without love, but "making love" is totally different story. Women may be more sensitive and more attracted to such small romantic stuff, but true men who have feelings can realize how beautiful it is to feel such romance in the air .. the beauty of each little thing .. and the love in the eyes of the woman.

Anonymous said...

check the horse power :) betarf soba3ak wenta te3raf kol 7aga heheh

without my name enta 3reft meen

dina said...

Excuse me David , even if all men don t need romance as u said ,dey will never reach what dey seek for.
In order to get what u want exactly as u want , u have to give ur partner what she want also as she want.
In dis area marriage like da job contract , u will never get da best from da employee except u meet his/her expectations from u .
It works but will never be da best.

As for da trend of " da love is da key " , am believe in (Marriage is not to live in someone u love , marriage is to live with someone u can t live without) , as i think it s bigger bigger dan de love , it s de SATISFACTION , it contains de love also but it s not everythin . Love can die but satisfaction never dies.

Mohaly said...

well said Dina.

Mohaly said...

Why am I reading between the lines that sex is a "man" thing!
women think about and want sex too, they just have different ways of expression, sex is not something that women are giving in return for something that they get from men. sex is something that they should both enjoy and reinforce their relation through.

maissa said...

yeslam fomak ya mohaly :)

NAMES said...

it should be a win-win situation.

soulshaker said...

David, lets put it some other way..men express their romance n love thru sex, but not all women get this. so, for them to communicate, men approach women with the romantic gestures they love n understand n at the end both are satisfied..of course the expression depth n method differs from one man to another.. but there's another scenario thats inevitable n unfortunately females never get n males fail to express, which is the male's need for "sex"; a quickie with no romance whatsoever.. thats not "love has faded" nor "he doesnt respect me" nor "he doesnt care about my needs" as some ladies may interpret.. its just that males/females are physically different in that sense; there's an urgent NEED for the man at some times that will not be fulfilled with a long passionate "love making".. that quickie should be BESIDE the passionate or the "gourmet sex", ie, occasional.

Anonymous said...

Dina, satisfaction also dies when the need is not fulfilled.

dina said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
dina said...

Anonymous;u r totally right.n dere s not conflict between de two meanin. what i mean is dat love can die by time n by de normal consequences of marriage while satisfaction can not.....

But when we be in front of strong reason like " de need is not fulfilled" for ex. , satisfaction also can die , de marriage regime itself will die.

Irene said...

it is so simple ya Dr. to have a successful intimate relation, it's "LOVE". if they both love each other to the extent that each one of them thinks from down deep inside how to make his/her partner happy and thinks how to please and satisfy the other one and forgets about his/her own happiness (Not to be selfish), this definitly will end up by having a wonderful time together especially if they both expressed how they love each other by words as well as by acts.
But unfortunately our culture taught men to look for their own satisfaction only disregarding women's mood.

soulshaker said...

but what comes first: u feel the need for someone so u love him, or u love him nd then feel the need for him?!!

nd, u can be physically attached to someone w/o loving him, but can u be in love w/ someone w/o being physically attracted to him??

Mohaly said...

u cant love someone without getting physically attached to him/her.