Back Again to Taboo topics!
While my dear friend Tamer Mokhtar (whom I always have long interesting discussions about our contradicting views) and I were discussing freedom of choice and accepting differences, a topic came along through a question from another friend saying: "What if you found out that your best or close friend has a different sexual orientation?" There were 2 opinions that dominated the rest of discussion:
1. She/He will continue to be my friend as long as she/he won't impose her/his thoughts, she/he may not be my best friend but will definitely be my friend..coz the decision of being friends was built on mutual respect, interests,..etc and not sex.
2. She/He will be out of my life and dictionary because knowing someone like that will affect me and make me feel/look bad & uncomfortable.
I will not say who's the owner of each opinion (the people who know me will know which opinion i support), but I am really wondering what do others think about that...i.e. What would you do if you found out that your friend is lesbian or gay?
Mohaly
96 comments:
eih ya 3am Mohaly el as2ela el mo7ayera di :)
It is hard to tell, I have to be in the situation to see how can I react.
Ya saye3 :) if you are not going to comment, i'll do the same :)
and also who know me will be sure :D
seeb we ana aseeb
hehehe :))
but as far as i know, you are part of the game ya tamer, your opinion is what drived mohaly to write about it so yo are the source :)))
so when u go out u never comment on girls / guyz
r u kidding if he/she is ur best friend u'd know
u'd never get to the best friend part without knowing
i think u watch too many sitcoms
OMG...u guys (omar & tamer) are the same except one lives in the gulf and the other in the redsea!!
What IF...it is a hypothetical question :)
hmmmm. Actually I do have a personal experience with that.
A colleague & far cousin (american) was very close to me, and I didnt know that she has alternative interets except when she told me.
The problem was that she was interested in me. Things went down for a while (2 months) then we were back as friends. If it werent for this direct interest, there wouldnt have been a difference even for 2 minutes.
Y.I.
our culture doesn't allow having such friendships & religion as well.
for me if my close friend is a gay, i wouldn't trust him to do something for me or share any private issues, basically there will be big borders and this contradict with the meaning for friendship.
for sure it's differs from culture to culture.
want to ask u if u perceive lesbian on the same level like gay?
Ya Yasmine, from the examples u gave, & ur comment i can see contradiction between what u say & what u do.
and for judging on someone, i believe that's acceptable & needed cause at the end u are involved.
and for discriminating based on gender, this is true, yes I do :)
Tamer, I dont know where is this contradiction, the girl still one of my best friends till today!!
Can I ask you a question, do you feel better or superior because you a man?
Y.I.
You said everything went down for 2 months; by the way this is normal even with normal people.
One question don't u spend extra time or maybe effort, to make sure that u didn't misunderstand ur friend? For sure u do the point is that if this person deserves spending this time? U judge, u reacts
And to answer ur question i feel better not only cause i'm a normal man :) but i enjoy my life as a man :)
hey tamer my friend, u didnt get it right.
correct me if i am wrong Yasmine, the girl wanted to -execuse my language- sleep with you.
Tamer, either you skim read so you didn’t concentrate or you didn’t want to!
I said exactly:
""The problem was that she was interested in me. Things went down for a while (2 months) then we were back as friends. If it weren’t for this direct interest, there wouldn’t have been a difference even for 2 minutes.""
So the problem is that she wanted me to be her partner, and this is MY CHOICE. When she understood that I wanna be her friend only not her "lover" things went back to normal. So the problem was in her SEXUAL interest in me, not she being lesbian. Got it!!!
Happy for you that you enjoy your life as a man, because i enjoy it as a woman too, and thank God i am not living in Egypt anymore where people are still judging others by Gender.
Y.I.
P.S. Mohaly, you are right, you for sure have lots of discussions with Tamer. You have different ideologies. Why don’t you have another post about genders?
I wonder where are the other moderate voices in this blog like yasmine, ghada, or khateeb!
Y.I.
Tamer & Yasmine, keep the tone down please :) it is an opinion after all.
Tamer: balash tare2et el products meeting :)
Yasmine: Tamer is not the anti-girls guy, he is just different in his ideology from the guys you know from Egypt.
P.S. & i will think about the gender post.
:) FYI Mohaly & me enjoying discussing such topics and the good thing that each one knows exactly where stands & and also no one is wrong, and it's not about convincing the other but more into listening to different opinions.
Personally i enjoy listening to others opinion.
and by the way i didn't get u wrong.
and for other contributers for sure mohlay will have the answer for ur Q, as it's free for anyone to comment.
P.S. any topic on Mohaly's blog will be interesting for me, cause i like his way of discussing topics, more taboo ya mohaly hehehheh
i'm not different ya Mohaly, I'm NORMAL :)
I agree with Tamer, this difference makes it more interesting, and a live example is his last posting on his blog :)
Tamer, different is not a bad thing. You are really different in your thoughts than the guys she know in Egypt. This doesnt make them or you better than each other; just different :)
just came to my mind now... what if it's not a friend? someone in ur family? hard to answer? or you will change ur opinion? or it's the same??
diplomatic answer ya tamer :)
by the way, i am looking forward for meeting you when i am in cairo.
same here ya gameed, but in Hurghada ba2a :) more space to enjoy and have fun
Al Salamu 3alaykom.
I am against homosexuality. I was going to say that I will not be her friend, but Tamer's question about family makes me answer differently.
Family is not someone you choose. I can boycott family, so I will try my best to change him/her, but if not I will accept it, and pray for him/her to change.
I am glad that the 2 opinions are being discussed and there are people for and against each opinion. But please we aren't here to waste time in disputes, but to make the best out of the different topics.
We may not reach a final choice, but the information and differences will enrich our experiences, and that is what this blog is all about even in fun stuff.
Welcome Ya amina, totally agree and supporting ur opinion :)
I know it was silly question but what if always opens hell :)
thanks god kolo ely a3rafhom fel saleeem :)
Being in Germany a gay and lesbian heaven, i would only speck from experience, am not a moderate nor i am against or in favour of extremes, i am me. This is a Blog where everyone could say what he/she feels and believes and i again thank mohaly for the post and the opportunity to speck with different minds that both originated from the same place yet happen to have a different stand due to their current experience and current location.
It is hard to recap or comment on everything here but I'll try to make is easier to read
I'll use points and only talk about gays since I've never had to deal with lesbians till now.
1- I won't look for gay friends, but if i happen to know someone who i found out later that he was gay i will take care not to be so close: gay is contagious if u are not watching out.
2- Am OK with gays as long as they don't ask me out, hold my hand or act inappropriate in public.
3- Am NOT OK with family member who is gay cause we are a community based culture one gay family member is one bad link for the whole family. “som3a we sharaf we yousif wahbee style of yaaaaal al hooool”
4- Gays at work or school OMG very hard to deal with and very hard to share toilettes with...i always though its hard to be in a unisex wash room but with gays all around berlin its even harder especially when u are into a bar were everyone is drinking and maybe drunk.
5- Gays in the military well this is not bad :D sarcastic speaking of course if a gay dude is watching my ass in war, he is defending it with passion and love not just because we are friends he will watch my ass like no other one would :D :D
Yasmine very few girls are OK with their sexuality and could discuses it with others your special girl. Don't forget that a gay story like Brokeback Mountain was quite ugly and disgusting in my opinion but when Melissa Etheridge thanked here wife on Oscar night and sort of French kissed her i was OK i think i liked it straight male fantasy and pornography influences the way we think about this.
still waiting for your updated profile, blog or IM.
Impressive ya Khateeb!
It seems that khateeb will be the "official concluder of the posts" :))
Anyway, it is time to reveal that my opinion was the first one (continue friendship), but as Khateeb said "with care".
Thank you,
Mohaly
It seems that it is hard there in Berlin Khateeb, it isn’t like that with women, as we already are closer (more intimate) even if straight.
I am sure you are a good friend of Mohaly, the organized answer, points,...etc. and Mohaly, I agree, khateeb has lately been the posts -especially controversial- concluder.
For the blog, I won't have one soon, Mohaly and 2 other friends blogs are more than enough :) But I promise to work on the profile over the weekend. For the IM i won't display it here because there are "some people" whom i dont want them on my MSN.
Bed time now, i guess it is the start of the day in Middle-East & Europe, have a nice day everybody :)
Y.I.
to sum up: opinion # 1 was not 100% comfortable for the majority of us :)
niether opinion no.2!!
As I said, we will never reach a final Right opinion about it because it is a sunjective issue.
The idea of accepting others opinion is the goal here :))
honestly i believe that there's something missing in ur comments ya Mohaly, i see something like a gap between ur opinion & behavior.
P.S. will give you a hint in Shower party in Admiral? the Egyptian girl, ur reaction :)
You know what, I am in a middle of training and thought of checking blog in the break coz it is last day we are almost finishing, but you are provoking enough to answer although I got less than 10 mins to go...
The thing I don’t like most about your comments is using right words in wrong placements.
1. You, before every one, know that I am not shy of saying and putting my opinion in action –even on live TV if you remember-, and even if I find any contradiction i apologize (which is not the case here).
2. You are going off topic here because we are discussing another issue. Please compare apple to apple & orange to orange.
3. To answer your question -although I am not happy that you bring up a personal issue without my consent- I was shocked to see a girl getting estimate with more than one person and was shocked more when know she is Muslim and Egyptian, my reaction was commenting on this behaviour to a close friend (you) which is my right, but I never criticized her or any of her companions.
Mohaly
La2a Ya Mohaly No one is going to conclude the post but me Fatita :)
just an overview of this post: there were some repeating themselves, some were self contradictory and the others were radical in their opinions, we can't talk about difference in this field because in my opinion and beliefs (religious ones) Gays and Lesbians are to be rejected and excluded because they are contradicting the nature. Just like jigsaw pieces you can't match 2 identical pieces it will not work until you put different pieces. did you get the point?
and I am sure that no one is to accept his/her daughter or son to be Lesbian or Gay, will you?. and don't tell me freedom of choice because I am se3edeay fel mawdou3 dah.
Mohaly, please stop evoking this kind of topics becasue you create a kind of Balabalah and enhancing al khatee2a :P
Hey Mohaly, don't tell me you are doing like man fasara el ma2 bel ma2, do you remember? :p
7astana rakak ba3d el break ettany heh ;)
It seems that tamer's favorite word is "you are contradicting yourself". I really wonder if he doesn't contradict himself!!
I have nothing againts Tamer, but I really dont like the way he disuss stuff because he seems to enjoy provoking others.
As far as I know, we are here to disucss, enrich each other, and try to develop, not to attack and loose the whole point.
I hope to see more constructive discussions from you Tamer.
FATIMA, I dont know you, but I like the simplicity and fun in your comments :)
Have a nice day,
Y.I.
Motshakera ya Yasmin 3ala Zou2ek, I was happy to read your comment :)
Thanks Fatima. You knew that I will check in my break, hehe :). Actually I don’t intend to have such blahblah in the topics. Yasmine & Tamer should keep it down shewaya :) I wont stop posting because this is a personal and community development blog, and like we talk about balance, time management, cooperation, we should be talking about mutual respect, the culture of being different, criticizing and not attacking…etc.
I definitely don’t encourage sins including homosexuality, and I don’t argue much with religious stuff. I just want people to stop attacking others and start criticizing in a constructive way.
I.e. let's see a common floor to be our threshold of communication :))
P.S I agree with Yasmine, your posts are always simple and fun, and you finally “fasarty el ma2 sa7 :)”
Gotta run...
Mohaly
Think about this.....
Sometimes WE loose peace and even disturb other people, if WE are always criticizing small actions - which often are not real faults at all, but WE take them wrongly through OUR ignorance of their motives.
I've my display pic, who know maybe it was the reason for provoking Mohaly or others, or maybe it's a talent :)
I just i'm happy to do what i'm saying. :)
Tamer, I dont get what you mean by saying that your profile pic is provoking us? It is you driving a car!!
Why do you insist on saying vague and pushing words? why cant you argue without teasing?
Please think about it and re-think about your last words too.
I hope that we can have better more healthy argument soon.
Y.I.
feeling down.
Nice pic ;)
yes i'm excellent in teasing :)
professional in provoking.
most of the time when i argue, just for fun.
so you'll find me only on the funny topics.
They here know me well :) except you.
wish that i'm the one who made u feel down :)
PEACE :)
thank you!! i was modelling for an agency in SE but didnt work well, so at least i kept the pic.
You are a devil in teasing not only a master, i suggest you work with mohaly in the training business, you can teach "Introduction to Teasing People" or "Mastering Provoking". if you dont have time you can assist him with the naught trainees.
I will not give you the satisfaction of being the reason of me being down, it is something else, although you are capable of doing it.
Y.I.
i thought that i'm the reason, cannot sleep tonight cause of that :)))))))))
and for the training i've the material of "Provoking yourself" do you think that it will be interesting for a training?
heheheh
Yassmine and Tamer, I see that you're declaring war on each other which I really consider to be the start of a strong friendship or hehehe!
I hope that it will have a happy end like Arabic Movies :D if it is so, please go ahead because this is how it started between me and my husband 5 years ago and now we have Jannat our Daughter, result of the war :D
Sweet Dreams!
Fatima, you cant forget the role of "khatba" abadan :)
Fatima, by the way, Yasmine is my ex-girl friend :)
Oh Fatima!!!
u r so sweet to say so, but i dont think that i can hook-up in this way, nothing personal Tamer.
and yes i was Mohaly's GF (2nd GF in his life as far as I remember), but we kept to be very close friends after breaking up. We broke-up because he insisted to continue in Egypt, and I couldn't, so roads were different, or as he always say, we are heading into different destinations :)
i'll tell you a "public secret" :)) I am still not convinced of marrying an American, still see my future husband an egyptian like dad.
anyway, it is a hard day, and i am getting too emotional, so i'd better shut up and finish the article i am writing.
have a nice evening if you are in egypt.
Y.I.
Why is "anonymous" so secretive in admitting that he is gay, it is very obvious from what he is saying!!! Isn't it?!
Y.I.
I guess so Yasmine, but you have to know that it is not that easy in Egypt to just come out and admit it as you think; we are not in the states :)
see, different destinations :) we are close on the mental level but we have chosen to live in completely different worlds even in values and culture, US & Egypt. May be we should meet in the middle (London or Berlin to see khateeb and break his loneliness :))
Anyway, it is good to know their point of view & that some of them wanna change. We should be helping the ones who want to change if they really are sincere about it.
I guess this guy will either throw the gay life behind his back -hard but not impossible- and try to lead a straight life, or travel to the west (re-locate), or commit suicide if he continued in this depressive mood.
I wish that God helps him to get through it. And I thank God for keeping us away from this dilemma.
Mohaly
Ya Fatita Seeby Yasmine fe 7alha we ana kaman, i start feel that u r taking commission men el ma2zoon :)
For Mohaly & Yasmine happy to hear that u r still in touch & respect each other after breaking, used to hear shit from people after breaking up.
for anonymous try to get closer to allah, i guess this is the start point.
for mohaly congratulations for exceeding 50 comment per post, a great sign for your future plan ;)
who is the 2nd anonymous?
the 1st was gay and didnt wanna reveal his identity, tab who is the 2nd?
ya gama3a please write your names if you dont have google accounts, coz we dont wanna say anony 1 , anony 2,3...etc :)
Anyway, i like this comment, nice answers to everyone :))
For Fatima, if she is not getting commission, they el ma2zoon has fooled her.
For me and Yasmine, that is normal, we broke up because we cant be physically in the same place anymore, but we still have our minds rolling and communicating.
For the over 50 posts, el mohem quality comments, but 50 is definitely a good indication and matching for future plans, and you made them 51 anyway :))
Mohaly
2nd anony is Tamer Mokhtar :)
delete the duplicate plz
yanhar abyaaad
kol da 7asal elnaharda
tamer, enti fahemni tab3an, fee nas menamara 3ala nas, heheh, we nas tanya mesh hena, hehehe
:) Ya Omar ya la2eeem
khateeb would like that very much...u 2 are more than welcome...Berlin is more fun in summer.
yasmine i again like the way you think, i say that and my hate is off, I respect the idea of marring an Egyptian, i love Germany and Germans girls are more than fine but 2el masry 2awla we a7la bekteer...shapoo girl good luck finding the man who knocks you off of your feet...to bad he can't be online ;)
dear Anonymous,
being gay is a choice that u must have made sometime along the way, if things are ruff stop and think the last thing u want is to be wrong and things are going fine for you. Do u know that if god is upset with someone he almighty makes doing wrong easy for him/her.
Stop and think for a min there is a way if u can find the well inside u and its never too late. Good luck bro and even though i don't know you i would like to hear from u if u need any moral support cause this is as fare as i can go the rest is up to u... God bless you and be with you...
Mohly gr8 blog dude 50+ posts am loving it "Mcdonalds" hehe keep it up
welcome back khateeb, thanks for the welcome, and pointing out that there are nice girls in germany, but as you know me being 5 feet 7 wont even be eligible for a german shoulder :))
and yeah, i am glad that some posts exceeded 10, one is 30, and this one is more than 50, page views, and users is increasing every week, it seems working :))
And i hope that the anony guy login again to see supportive opinions, who knows, it may make a difference in his life.
Tamer, the anony post u had is deleted upon ur request.
Wallahy!!!!to2 to2 to2 shakly labakht ma3alesh ya gama3a ana sa3at bahaneg. Ma3alesh ya Tamer mayenfa3sh el kalam ely ana 2olt 3ala gawaz, matez3alsh akeed 7ala2eelak 3arousa 3ala el blog beta3 Mohaly ;-)
Malou dour el khatba ya Mohaly, w khsousan lama tkoun khatba zayee ;p
Yassmine, you are pretty woman.
Ana normal ya gama3a madakhaloush el mawadee3 fe ba3d dah ra2y fe yassmine baree2 :)
hehehe...tayeb, we will pass it this time only ya fatima, but any further comments on girls....hmmmm ;)
khatba is nice, but you need to get a commission from el ma2zoon who is fooling you and not giving you any commission :)
I forgot to underline that I am khatba not for gays or lesbians heeh wel kalam 3aleek ya gara :P
ohhh too many replies, i just left for 2 hours :)
1. Mohaly: yes i know, egypt is different, and that is why i couldnt stay where people don’t urge themselves to change and are passive (not all of course but majority especially mass classes). It seems that these guys are happy for our continuing friendship, arent they sweet!
2. Kateeb: i don’t know if this is hidden flirting or what, but anyway thank you for your supportive feedback. I was planning for Paris this summer. With my respect to Berlin, but Paris is Paris :)
3. Tamer: it seems that you are not bad as i thought, you just need to lower the teasing dose a bit, actually more than a bit :)
4. Fatima: dont worry, nothing happened, and I wont get you wrong, and hope to see you if i visited egypt. Mohaly was asking me to visit Hurghada to see a different view of Egypt, but not sure yet.
Y.I.
yenfa3 ana fe berlin ;)
hi omar, long time no see, how is dubai, isn't it too late about 2 or 3pm gpo sleeeep!
heyyyy amy, i am fine, dubai is getting too hot and crowded. u know i don't sleep early i am an artist, and it is still 2am ;) plus i am following where this post gonna end, it seems like endless!
yasmine i can't flirt or hit on you... u r an X of a friend of mine a no fly zone for me!!!
omar, even though i don't know you, u can come to Berlin too, everyone is welcome a friend or a friend is always a friend.
khateeb, thank you for your respectful feelings, but our -yasmine & I- relation was long time ago, actaully last century :)
we are now close but as friends only :) nothing will change coz i am not going to live in the states and she is not gonna live in egypt.
Mohaly
was just kidding :) but i usually like to exist where nice girls are ;)
Mohaly's post is very popular and the proof is that he could get 69 comments on just "Does Sexual Orientation Break Friendships" and 30 comments for "...Trapped in the SPA..." Mabrouk ya Mohaly, it's good as a start, I guess that you should keep the same line of topics to get such number of comments ;)
I noticed that not so many people blog on time management stuff or the rest of topics, like if every body is organised and have no problem to manage their time. Bravo!!!
Hmmmm this sounds like everybody of us enjoy to discuss and comment on taboos especially Sexual stuff :O
You know what, I am happy that we're discussing such topics and keeping the respect of each other. I am happy to meet you and read your comments all. U R Really interesting people of high level :)
Thanks Mohaly;)
Ay khedma ya Mohaly kameltelak el blog 71 nafar :))))))) 3ashan tkhosh Guinness World Records :D
Hey Yassmine! let's get out of this blog it's full of men and we're the only girls in :O
Thanks Fatima :)
1. I am not discussing this topics for popularity only, but to prove that we can discuss sensitive topics in a respectful way, and come up with resonable view.
2. For sure people will talk more about such topics that serious ones like time management, but if you looked closely you will find out that there are many topics that has more than 7 comments, and some reached 13, and that is great for such serious topics. Even in the blogs dedicated for Time Managment or so, comments dont exceed 20 in best case, so we are on the right track here, specially the comments are of quality (questions, suggestions,..etc), and that is the most important for me....Making the positive difference, even it will take time :)
Anyway, I am glad that one of my dreams is starting to get into reality. I wish someday I can organize periodical cultural/fun gatherings where people can exchange views and enrich each other.
Mohaly
mohaly, tamer, khateeb, i have another question: what if he/she is a bisexual? will it make a difference? hehe
P.S. I am living in Gulf, you know!! hehe (no offense)
What if always moshkela, fakreem Mohamed Sobh7 fe masra7eyet takhareef :) half male & half female :))
Bisexuals are ppl who are not even doing the wrong thing right...
They hoppe any thing that moves on two legs a kangaroo could be their next partner... i never understood bisexuals and wish i never do...
Tamer if half man half female...depends which half am dealing with... but i think we have meet a lot of ppl like this in our lives not physically but emotionally and mentally that's what i was referring to when i said a boy or a girl are OK with their sexuality... happy to be man and act like one or happy to be a woman and act like one.
i am with khateeb, not saying that gay is better, but at least knows what he wants...bisexual is like "eli ra2aso 3ala el sellem"...khateeb it seems that berlin is full of all kind of people...ma3lesh :)
remember me, i am the guy who posted yesterday (anonymous).
i thought of coming back and was sure that i will be attacked, but surprisingly i found you supporting me in getting better and getting over this shitty life. I just want to tell you that I dont have sex, I was just member of the community. thank you all, i wish i could be able to reveal my identity and be part of this nice group, but i will not do that till i am a good person.
have a nice weekend everyone.
Rabena yeshfik w yehdik yabny wenta tnaourna fel 2a3adat ketir :)
each one of us has big and small problems, so dont think that you are the only one, and if everyone of us waits till he become a problem-free or fault-free, then we will never communicate or have a blog.
Doing something wrong is not bad in itself, but insisting on doing it and not trying to make use of mistakes is the big fault (in my opinion).
This is Mourad from Turkey.
I come here by Google search. I do anthropolgy study.
English not very well. sorry.
lot of gay man in europa, they now married. will not married here for we are musliman.
Good Morning, Hi fatima, we are not the only girls. atcually this blog was full of girls when started but guys are taking bigger share everyday.
There are some active like Amy & Amina, some write every now and then like ghada and yasmine.Let's invite more girls in :p
Y.I.
ma3lesh but i don't get what morad wants!
ely ye3esh yama yeshoof.
just a question they get official marriage papers? don't face any troubles?
we dool 3andohom khotoba, shabka we 7arakat? and time to know each other?
yenfa3 keda?
and who pays the alimony?
enti el nos, we sekeena el nos :)
Allah will preserve us from falling into what the west has fallen into.
Keep away from sins, and ask God forgivness.
I have read that homosexuals are about 10% of any population, is that right? This means that there is about 7 million lesbian and gay in Egypt!
yanhar eswed! this means more than 3 million kh@#$l !
Not everywhere, and you cant count it this way :)
I gotta say those who hate gays are sick & pro descrimination!
P. Ming
estaghfar Allah el 3azeem sa3et salat el gom3a keda!!
2al Ming 2al!
Thank God for keeping us protected by our relegion & culture.
Good morning, wow, this post is really a record one!!
how can you tell a person has different sexual orientation?
is it clothers, talk, attitude, or if he or she came and tell you and hit on you?
wala eih ya gama3a?
these days guys wear more feminin stuff and girls wear more muscline! I really can't tell!
and i guess eye contact in the arab world is the main indicator for straights or others.
Hey Friends, & Readers,
Thanks a lot for your HUGE contribution in this post. I guess 100 comments is more than enough to get out with a result that homosexuality is not acceptable as an attitude, but as long as they are not imposing their thoughts on us, we will deal with them but with limits.
Thanks again, and let's move into another subject, comments will be closed for this post.
Mohaly
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