-------- "This is the time for action not only words, use your God given gifts to develop this country, dont be afraid to speak up, and feel PROUD THAT U R EGYPTIAN." -------- Mohaly, Feb 2011

Saturday, October 17, 2009

616) Being Yourself :: Episode 6 - Being a Woman!

This is some of the questions I got from a friend and a blog reader (R.M.) related to women being themselves. I though of having them on different posts, but then I decided to have them all in one post as they are all related to women and their freedom of expression and being themselves. I think the best way to comment on this episode is in points (1,2,3,4).

1لماذا يقوم بعض الأباء والأمهات بإجبار بناتهم علي ارتداء الحجاب - بينما يجبرهن البعض الأخر علي عدم إرتداء الزي الإسلامي - لماذا لم يتركوا لهم حرية الإختيار بعد تقديم النصيحة لهن لكي يبنع القرار من البنت عن وعي وادراك وحب بدلا من الاكراه والسخط والكره الذي يؤدي وحتما إلي خلع الحجاب آجلا أو عاجلا

2- لماذا يستعمل البعض كلمات وتعبيرات مبالغ فيها مثل وحشتينييييي مووووت .. يا قمرررر .. يا جميييل .. وكذا مع إنهم مش حاسين بكدا أصلا - بجد كم أمقت التعبيرات السخيفة المبالغ فيها الدارجة التي لا معني لها... وكم أحب التعبيرات الصادقة الصادرة من القلب القادرة علي الوصول كالسهم إلي القلب...!!!

3- لماذا تخجل البنت التي من الله عليها بنعمة تقدير قيمة الوقت أن تغلق سماعة التليفون في وجه صديقتها الثرثارة بدلا من أن تبكي ندما علي ساعة ضاعت من عمرها في النميمة واللغو والكلام الفارغ الذي لا جدوي منه

4- لماذا تحارب بعض النساء من أجل تحقيق مبدأ المساواه بينها وبين الرجل...! لماذا لا تستريح وتريح وترضي بما خلقها الله عليه - طب ما كان ربنا بقي خلقنا كلنا نوع واحد وخلاص.. كلنا رجالة أو كلنا بنات .. أو مثلا كنا بقينا في نهار من غير ليل - أو ليل من غير نهار ...!

Quick Translation for blog english-readers:
1. Why do some parents oblige their daughters to wear hijab while others oblige them not to, why don't they leave it to their personal choice.
2. Why do some people exaggerated welcoming words when meeting someone whom they really don't care that much about?
3. Why does the girl who understand the value of time accept on going on the phone for hours without apologizing to the caller and hanging up?
4. Why do some women fight for equality? why don't they accept the differences between genders, it is like the difference between day and night, both needed!


Hicham said...

Since the 'old ID' mention I am "Man" therefore no-comments to place right now although I predict the readers will go for these questions.

Ladies: Looking forward for reading your inputs!

jessyz said...

1. Because some parents beleive "betakol lo2meti tesma3 kelmeti" plus they really think they are doing what is best for their children. They don't realize that the girl needs to figure it out herself.
2. Dunno, none of my friends do that.
3. If we have lots to talk about, we schedule an outing. If someone calls me and I have something else I need to be doing I just excuse myself nicely.
4. Personally, I don't want the same rights, I just want fairness, no double standards, respect and gratitude. I also think men deserve the same things too.

maha ny said...

do you really think every egyptian reads arabic?

and google xlator sucks, so guess i'll have to wait until your next english post.

Mohaly said...

Maha Ny
You are right, it is an english blog and targeting egyptians and non-egyptians in and outside egypt. I am sorry, I usually don't post arabic unless its part of an english article or translated.
please revise the post, i have added a quick translation.

insomniac said...

i agree with jessyz

1- parents think they know what's best, and they genuinely want what they think is best for their daughters! something about being a parent makes one hard to understand that a child (son or daughter) needs to figure a few things on their own!

2- I hate such terms when they're used by people who don't know me... but sometimes i guess it's someone's way of being friendly, a friend's fiance refers usually says "wa7ashteeny ya gameela", it doesn't upset me because i know it's her way of telling me that she likes me, or i am just naive that way!!! as for those to which i am close, i consider them terms of endearment! i guess it simply depends on who uses them... but i hate them when i sense they're fake!!!

3- sometimes i realize a phone call is getting too long, but if my friend is venting about something, i take the time to listen even if it means i'd have to re-plan what i had in mind... if someone is opening up their heart seeking comfort, they deserve to be heard out!!

4- i personally believe men have their roles and women have their roles... they have equal rights as humans and they should be fair and respectful of one another... but given how it's not the case, i get why some women can go to extremes fighting for their so called rights...

H.A.W. said...

1. i agree with Jessyz too. they think that they are doing what best for their children,and its they way they were raised too. most of the parents dont know how to be a parent. no readings, training. most of their info comes from relatives, who have bardo no education of being parents.
most of parents who have daughters at age of 20 or up dont show to paretns'meetings at school, dont read about how to raise a child, etc. therefore they dont know the correct way of raising a child to have a stable personality and might be up to their standards bardo.
we need to educate parents :)))
- but as for the example of hijab, most of parents i know think its their duty to force her to wear based on hadith saying:
كلكم راع و كلكم مسئول عن رعيته.
if they only take time to talk to soemone professional, they wont be needing to force.
2. when soemone starts using these words i know its lies and i stop listening :))))
3. usually i do. simply say that i have soething scheduled and hang up. my close friends know me and dont get angry, if others have problem wiht that, their problem to solve. bas keda :)
4. i have no problem being a girl. la2 to be honest, i wished to go for 3omrah and haj, but msot of who i asked said no, not even after 45, if i dont have a me7rem. lately i asked soemone, who explained it to me in details and i am convinced. it takes only to understand 7okm el shari3ah to convince me.
otherise i am perfectely happy with being a female. if someone doesnt give me my right, i go get it. be it in treating me respectful, be it on street, whenever i can- i go eget it.
and i am convinced that both have equal rights but different responsibilites, which makes sense for life to go on.

Nouna said...
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Nouna said...
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maha ny said...

thank you so much mohaly :)

personal choice should be imbued in a child be it male or female. and i'm 1000% behind sheik tantawi in regards to children not wearing hijab, until they are of an age to decide for themselves!

granted their are differences between men and women ! but each according to his abilities and each according to his needs!

relationships are like a dance---lets not step on each other's toes! so if a woman wants to talk to her friend for hours, nothing wrong with it just as long as it doesn't interfere or get in the way of her daily life.

again tx mohaly!

PS YES arabic is a beautiful language! and a very complex on i might add. some of us are fluent in egyptian but cannot read a word of arabic (born in the us and not studying arabic can do that) yet we insist on speaking only arabic when in egypt and REFUSE to use a word of english! but we always get caught when asked to fill out a form or sign our name-----yes i'm using we as their are many of us born abroad who sadly cannot read, NOT BECAUSE WE WANT TO SHOW OFF! as some here are insinuating, BUT BECAUSE WE CAN'T!

Nouna said...
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nourita said...

1-not fasting Ramadan was never an option
the same for salate , why should wearing hijjab be an option ?

personnaly i wore hijjab at 23...because i suddenly realized that i may die before wearing it..

2- guess it is part of the middle east' culture, i noticed that even between men/men & woman/ woman , they tend call each other habbiby; gamil, sokar
im not saying it is bad , but i just noticed that it is not reserved to men and women.

3- if a friend need to talk then i will be happy to share with her what she has to tell...

4- i heard sometimes ago a sentence that really impressed me: men & woman in Islam are equals but differents

Nouna said...
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maha ny said...

just like some 'have the right to wear the hijab.' others should not be made to feel:


There are a few things that are taught in college prep schools in the US, a few i imparted with are
don't discuss religion and politics in public as they are both VERY PERSONAL things and belong to one's self or in ones heart!

I am happy for my fellow muslim hijabies for finding peace and solace in their chosen modesty--------BUT PLEASE DON"T JUDGE AS GOD ONLY KNOWS WHAT IS IN THE HEARTS!

Nouna said...
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maha ny said...

lol my dear nothing 'heat' about this 'discussion', i believe posting links more than once to taunt makes you the rude one.

but i will leave it at that as you have revealed the content of your character more than once on this post.

god be with you!

Mohaly said...

Nouna, Maha NY
Ladies, this place is not for such comments, regardless of who started and whose fault. Just forget about it. Thank You.
You are most welcomed to continue commenting on the topics itself.

To everyone: we should respect each others opinions.

nourita said...

Hi Maha

I believe that the judgment is for the "judgment day”: D
No one is to judge you!!
Yes Islam is tolerance.
But still you cannot change its fundamentals
Agreeing on hijjab as a religious obligation is a thing, having the choice not to adhere to it is another...
From parent’s point of view, do they have the obligation to present Hijjab as an Islamic obligation to their children?
Yes, they have this duty… the same way they explain that fasting Ramadan is an obligation, praying five times…
It is a parent duty to give to their children a religious basis…
Again this is my point of view, and you cannot judge me for that ;)

Nouna said...
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maha ny said...

thanks Nouna! you are a class act!

Maha Aly said...

1. I guess that most parents now leave their daughters to choose, & that’s for the negative impact on personality by forcing them to wear or not to wear Hijab.
They should advice, direct & the girl has to be convinced 1st.
I see lots of girls covering their hair but I personally don’t consider them wearing Hijab, sometimes even they wear tight or revealing cloths & it makes them look weird.
It’s either to do it the right way or not, & before wearing Hijab, there are lottttttssssssss of steps to be done.

I am not wearing Hijab & I don’t accept anyone to ask me “WHY” , whenever I feel I wanna wear it, I will do it with my own will.
I don’t think that wearing hijab will make me look as a better person & not wearing it will make me less religious, it’s all ppl judgment, as we-Egyptians & Arabs –used to judge ppl by their looks & not by their personality & who they are.

2. Egyptian Style … ya pacha!!

3. If the call from a friend of mine & she needs me to listen, I don’t consider it as a waste of time, unless I have something more important to be done, I will apologize & call later, if the call is not important, I will hang up … I might apologize :PP
That’s for me, but I know lot of my friends love to talk endlessly … lok lok lok :)

4. Well, equality in human & personal rights is required .. about work opportunities: it’s good to be ambitious but I believe there is a very important role for a woman a man can’t do.
I am glad to be a woman.

It’s always good to see different ppl & know different opinions, that doesn’t make the other ppl better than me or makes me better than them, we should stop judging others in order not to be judged by others.


Anonymous said...

[Comment Part1]

1. This is a mere family-related trait, and if you want honest, bringing up the young is a malfunctioned process around here, be it about Hijab or not.

And if you're told that religion is the reason some parents coerce their daughters into wearing it (or that 'being modern/whatever' is the reason some parents coerce their daughters into NOT wearing it) then know for sure it's not the case, because at times those might be not religious as they claim they are, and those might be not so modern as they claim they are.

Life is ever changing that way. Very few admit that they're striving for the best, the rest think they're Gods who judge other people. Few are busy completing
their own right image they keep shoving down our throats every now and then. All is flawed.

This is why I really get aggravated by those Hijab related discussions. And it's not about 'coercing Hijab', it's about
'coercion initially'. Hijab as a dispensation is a different matter.

2. Coaxing and wheedling are like Egyptian heritage now passing like cancer from a generation to the next, just as 'wanting to bring attention', 'having no identity whatsoever' and most importantly 'FARAGH'. Sincere feelings are an exception of course, though a rarity! [a special tribute to cinema and TV: thanks for maiming your people!]

3. Gossiping and backbiting should be eradicated from the society entirely (for me, they're far more serious issues than Hijab). Be it on the phone line or face to face.

4. Equity in what? give me something specific please - because from corporate view to street view, I see women everywhere functioning in the community as exactly as men do (sometimes worse than, some other times better than men). Domestic violence and repression? family affairs related issues? this is on all of us now I guess, because some men fight for their rights too [I want to have a non Egyptian-marriage. Any ideas?] - 'lets help each other' is a better mantra now than 'women rights' I believe.


Anonymous said...

[Comment Part2]

Now, I felt really tempted to discuss some of the comments here, so please bear with me :)

First of all - I stopped taking sides in anything. My goal sometimes is to deliberately NOT take sides in a conversation; things aren't only relative, but they almost always are unclear as well.

Besides, choosing a side murders the discussion in its cradle, too much information go missing, and we end up with miniature and incomplete opinions and ideas.

However, something 'Maha NY' said caught my attention.

Maha, you said: 'Religion is in the heart'.

I have three points to make:

1. If this is to deter who consider religion a sole equation of appearances, then I take it metaphorically and wholeheartedly
agree. Actually I also agree to it in the face of absolutely anyone who give themselves the power to judge generally.

2. If its stating a fact then I strongly disagree. You circumvented many perks religion as a system can give (and had given), outside of just the hearts of people. 'Faith', 'belief', 'spirituality' and all divine doctrines that dictate how we should worship only one God, how we should never lie, wrong or sin, how we should seek penance and forgiveness from God and above all promote our souls generally, are all heart related indeed.

But religion, along with tenets, stated dispensation, and directly related failing to follow it a sever hindrance to the promotion of human kind, and a clear 'decrease' in all heart experiences. Those 'physical' acts (the ones left now for sorrow)
reinforce faith on continuous basis, they help virtues blossom and they recharge our spiritual batteries. (should more of)

Just as religion can't be in appearances only, it surely can't be in hearts or souls only. It's much bigger than that, and we must work on both ends and obey religion in both of them, if we want to worship God the right way.

3. Religion is now prevalent to 'long sleeves and beards' because of so many reasons I don't want to get to, the important thing is that it's an undeniable fact now that some retarded bunch keeps telling us 'pray in mosques and wear Hijab' and then they go embezzle money, lie, 'gossip', or harass and hurt people generally. So, it's now a matter of balancing priorities, not a 'redefinition'
of religion. Religion is immune to modification, if God knew that it won't cope, he wouldn't have stated that our Prophet is the last one.

Everyone of us knows if their 'list or priorities', 'list of good deeds' and 'list of bad deeds' are plausible before God or not - this is why there's a day just for judgment .. with a divine 'balance'.

And this is why the praying and fasting woman who hurt her neighbor back at Madina, went to hell.

The same goes for the 'man and the thirsty dog' story.

Willy said...

OMG i totally agree with point 2. me as a girl suffer from ppl calling me ya amara we ya gamela, ya 7ayaty, ya tota, eh el amar da.... the problem is that i dont know wjere i should position these words they dont reflect neither compliments nor true feeling. hence why do ppl say them aslan

Hicham said...

I can answer those 4 questions in one pharse: because of the misleading due to stop using our minds and just stop at the outer surface.

tenfa3 di egaba? :D

Mohaly said...

yenfa3 we nos ya Hicham.