-------- "This is the time for action not only words, use your God given gifts to develop this country, dont be afraid to speak up, and feel PROUD THAT U R EGYPTIAN." -------- Mohaly, Feb 2011

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

609) Being Yourself ::: Episode 2 - Part 2 !

This is the 2nd part of last post. Ref: 608
Mohaly

Dear Mohaly,
how far would you -males- go against your society and family and be yourself, when it comes to loving a girl who has "unusual" conditions?
with unusual conditions i mean mainly 2 areas:
2. a girl who has been raped?
would you go against your society and family and marry a girl who has been raped?
out of love and respect and trust - not out of pitty or a heroic temp feeling?
only at a certain phase you would know this truth about her. would you believe her word, or she has to provide some proof?
would you be able to completely forget this fact and start a normal life with such a girl, keeping in mind that she is human, or unconscios influence of society would interfere here?
do you think she has the right to marry somone of her choice, up to her standards and maybe love- or te7med rabena that she finds soemone to marry aslan?
would you be yourself and prefer that she tells before marriage or keeps it hidden through any channel? correct the "mistake" and just keep her mouth shut?
would you be yourself and really work on making it up to her becuase she is just the same girl you know well enough to ask her to share your life? or would tradition interfere and you prefer to stay away and enough that you would keep her secret?

37 comments:

H.A.W. said...

i still support honesty from the beginning. whatever the result is.

john said...

!

amina said...

I dont think Egyptian men will accept it.

Noha said...

It depends on the circumstances if she is psycologically stable then why not.

BaTaBeeT said...

well i respect honesty from the begining too...

however, the "being raped" case is like 99% a lie most of the times...

Maha Aly said...

Again, the comments are from Females :))
Where are you GUYS, your comments on this post is really important.

I guess they will think 100000000 before they reply.

H.A.W & Batabeet, We all prefer honesty, but i bet some ppl - especially males don't !

insomniac said...

i am not stating an opinion because these questions are obviosly addressed to male audience..

however, did you just say that you bet most males don't prefer honesty????? seriously??

insomniac said...

oh and mohaly, i was not attacking at all :) i was just asking... u know how sometimes it's not easy to convey the right tone in writing!

Maha Aly said...

Insomniac,
It's me - Maha Aly - who wrote that "i bet that most males don't prefer honesty on such issue"

Mohaly still did not write his comment yet :)

Omar Rostom said...

tab ya banat yali nazleen tarya2a, what if it was the opposite ba2a ;)

What if your potential husband told you that he was rapped?

hehehe ;)

H.A.W. said...

for both ya omar, its a very cruel experience to go through.
and in both cases, some humanity is needed.

Mohaly said...

Maha, my opinion is same as Noha.

Omar, I don't think girls will accept the opposite. Wala eih ya banat?

Mariam said...

well akeed being raped isn't her fault... we akeed she has got the right to live and marry and select kaman...

bas i believe it depends.. depends on the girl, the accident itself, its consequences and effects on the girl and the mentality of the man...

i do understand en some males may not accept this, and i respect those who do accept.... eli ma2balosh '7ales... eno yewafe2 mn bab el shafa2a.. aw dayman ye7ases-ha enno mefadal 3aliha...

amma 3an el opposite, ana 3an nafsi i dun think i may accept this, "e7temal 0.0001% eni aaccept" we dah el2an i believe in ta2theer 7aga zai keda 3al male as3ab bel zat lamma 7abebto aw '7atebto teb2a 3arfa... bey7es be enkesar fi mogtama3 me7amelo already "da'3t" kebir eo howa el ragel.. el kawi... el el el...

bas who knows!

H.A.W. said...

i agree with you ya mariam that definetly she doesnt need to be treated as a crippled person. and accepting her out of heroic feeling is 1000 times worse than rejecting her.
but i'd ask you not to "decide" you cant accept this fact about your fiancee before getting to know him. effect on both is almost the same. but you know what, we make it worse with such impressions.the society makes a disaster out of it instead of helping to overcome and go on. part is already destroyed, that's a fact we cant deny. but we cant destroy the rest kaman. we cant always link the future with the past. its unfair. you are asking soemone to live 60 or 70 years with a continious pain, and its not even his fault. 7aram.
a man is a human, just like a girl. has feelings and pride and the right to live and be accepted.he has the right to cry when hurt, he has the right to show his feelings in any occasion. please dont go for prejudgements. not for a girl or a man.

Mary jacoub said...

El male sex eltazamo elsamt wa elhoodo2 they went into their caves until the next post may be it's gonna be more interesting to them...
I don't think that men will accept it under any circumstances we balash tezawa2o elkalam.

Mariam said...

replying to H.A.W:

yes it's true enno a man is a human, wana brdo didn't blame him... fi 7ala zai di he's a victim.. but what i ment enno in our society men r raised to be "regala, kaweya... liha kelma... 7o2o2 ketira awii,, enta ragel mat3ayatsh.. enta RAGEL lik el 7a2... etc" kl dah aslan zalam el ragel we DA'3AT 3alih gameeed....


fa fih 7ala zai diih... i believe en e7saso bel enkesar beykon kebiir gedan we sa3b ye3adih..

amma 3anni sha'7seyan fa i said "who knows" i may in certain circumstances accept this... bas bel a'3lab ha'7af we ha'7af awii... we matmanash eni at7at bel mawkef dah aslan...

we rabena ye7mi el nas weyhawen 3alihom

maha ny said...

the biggest disconnect in logic here is how 'a crime' and 'premarital sex' are being grouped into one sadistic and insensitive category!

for someone to wax poetic about how some gorilla (sorry any man that considers rape/sex the same is an animal!) is belittling the crime! and to merely entertain the idea makes him not worth a second of your time!

i'm sorry mohaly but the whole concept of this post is alien to me and kinda nauseating!

Mohaly said...

Maha Ny:

The concept is already not mixing the crime with premarital sex as the premarital sex was already discussed in the previous post (607), while in this email raping is being discussed where I am publishing an email I got from a blog reader who wants to know if this makes a difference with men or not.

maha ny said...

i did read it and a very engaging topic it was!

'if this makes a difference with men or not.'

mohaly i feel for her, but the fact that i as a woman should entertain the idea of some man accepting me or not over a crime that violated me, SPEAKS VOLUMES of his character!

so that's why i say the whole concept of it making a difference is alien to me.

great blog BTW!

M@YO said...

Well... if any of the two sexes came over the psychological problems caused by being rapped (and it is very rare) then he/she deserves to start with the one he/she choose

if a man being rapped and he is fine he will never confess, if he did I will think again of all his actions and watching him well, if he passed I can stay with him
he is a super hero to come over it

Mohaly said...

Thanks Maha NY..
and yes you have a point.

I hope the blog reader -who sent me this email- have had an answer to her question.

ibhog said...

It takes two. It always takes two.

[Comment Part 1]

Dear 'Reader who sent this mail' and you girls,

I am going to reply here to both of your points, because they have so much in common. And then discuss each separately.

Lemme first talk to you about my kind of honesty - honestly. When I look at myself I can see that most of the time, I 'want to be honestly accepting' rather than I 'am being honest'. I admire honesty as an act, not to mention, I'm admired for it. This is my way of grabbing your attention, and you can't imagine how vulnerable I would get because your cues and how I would strive to have your approval.

This is exactly, why guys bail on girls. At first, she admires him for being open minded, and that's very fulfilling for him, but when things get serious (i.e we pass to the life phase of a relationship), he won't be able to continue, because he'll get back to his normal self again, which is pretty much out of his hands, it's imposed by society for the most part, and of course out of him feeling insufficient.

At this point, the girl pulls back too very fast, complicating things. Now, let me tell you that me 'wanting to be honest with you (as in I accept your conditions)', rather than me 'being really honest with you', and though are totally different things, but yet they all compose so much of how I care about you and how much I crave you in my life.

But, at the very point I freak out, you take it personally, and you accuse me of being a jerk, a thing that vehemently destroys my esteem, and hinders any attempt on my behalf to make it up to you.

Just as you have unusual conditions, I have ones too; namely, me fighting this society (and my own self for that matter) to be a better man for your expectations! Yet, somehow, you relate our success as a couple to my issues, when it's your turn to play the hero.

You know very well that accepting unusual conditions with that much of dirt staining our conceptions as a society, is a huge compromise, and no, it's not pity, it's very different from pity. But couples exert so much effort to approach each other and resolve their differences, me accepting things from you I normally wouldn't from others, means that I LOVE you, not that I pity you!

But, what if, I couldn't help but worry about things too. It's not that I'm being headless and adamant out of the blue, suddenly rejecting you, and hurting your feelings, but you'll have to make a compromise now and contain me just as I contained you and made you admire me in the first place.

You'll have to respect my pulling away, and you'll have to support me through it, rarely do girls do that, I mean it's practically insane, to support a guy to get away from you!, but to your surprise, that's actually how he'll hit back right at your lap.

We are a 'together', we accept each other with all of our 'conditions' be them usual or unusual, when one of us needs a rope down the will, the other will just have to throw it, if they don't, one will stay down there for good, and the story will end.

In relationships, we don't judge, We coexist. You'll have to tell me 'everything', and you'll have to be very honest about all of your problems and conditions, because guess what, I'll have to love them too! And, concerning my part, I will too, I will articulate everything, I will tell you that I 'want to be with you', but that 'you'll have to help me fight and change for you', I won't be able to change without your support.

It's an expensive request to ask me to accept a thing the society tries to alienate without giving me support, and even if I did it on my own, I won't be sure if this sacrifice wouldn't affect 'us' in the future.

Now, given that we reached this phase of communication, I wouldn't worry about anything. Even if things didn't work out, it'd be because of reality and we both would understand. Some couples just don't work, but at least they must have been able to communicate well.

Ibraheem said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ibhog said...

[Comment Part 2]
Now, I will talk about each issue separately, given that both parties are honest, are honest about their own honesty, and are

loving each other enough to listen without judgment.

>>The age thing:
When I tell you that I'm 'afraid' that when we grow up, I won't give you what you need, and that maybe you won't give me what I

need, in terms of romantic and sexual needs. When I tell you that I know cases of rocky marriages who ceased to exist because of

those fulfillment issues. When I tell you that some men turned to polygamy at the end and caused their wives great pain. Despite

the fact they loved each other so much in the beginning (the case I'm talking about is after 25 yrs of marriage).

When I tell you I can't judge those men, and I care about you, but I'm not sure about the future.

What would you tell me? (I'm asking begadd btw, and I'm waiting for replies)

--

When I tell you that I don't know how to react to people's insinuations and that I hate them to the bones, but it affects my

day, will you be there for me, because at times, I'll have to vent about this very issue to you and only you, will you take it

personally?

--

When I tell you that you'll have to promise me that academic and intellectual difference between us should never affect our

relationship, even if not intended. And that I'm not sure how I would react if I felt inferior to you, and that I would normally

need a surplus of respect to compensate for it. Would you give it to me?

--
When we have a fight (and we will), and if I felt that me being younger affected my position. How will we work this out?

--
Will you treat me the same if I was older than you or your own age? even if at times, you have more experience than me, and if

you did, would you predict how I would react? how you think I should act?

--
Do you think there are some other concerns we should talk about? ones I skipped.
--

Now, for me, I can imagine that this conversation would get stormy at times, but it'll make us a stronger couple. And I would

pretty much give a lot of kisses on the head and on the cheeks through it.

----------
>> The 'rape' thing.
What are the things that I should take extra care of? how would you want me to react when people talk?

Will this affect our sexual relation by any means? tell me so I can give you what you want.

If you passed treatment, you'll have to tell me, and you'll have to inform me about things I might do spontaneously and hurt you, and what you'd expect from me in return.

We'll have to come to terms with the 'rape topic' generally, are there special requests here? so I don't screw up and make you uneasy.

I really don't know what else to ask, but if you have something I should know, please tell me honestly.
--

This conversation will have to be on phases, and I will try my best to be as understanding as I can, but it's imperative that we talk. I can imagine her giving me the looks, even getting mad at me and have nasty quarrels (eh elly enta 2a3ed tes2al 3alih da!), but if I don't know, I might screw up!

----------

A VERY IMPORTANT NOTE:

If the guy is spending sometime in his cave, which will happen, ask him if he'll be back. If he starts mumbling and complaining, seboh yet7ere2, this pulling away thing is only temporary, and if you're not reassured enough that he's coming back to you, then he's actually leaving you, fa matet3ebeesh nafsek we sebeeh yet7ere2.

Because she's not trying to discuss your happiness, she's asking a simple question: "will you be back", so answer with a yes or a no honestly!

----

Another important note:

you must notice that through this very boring comment, I might have said things that will provoke girls fe3lan, but that does nothing but prove my point, you girls must HELP US to get to you, we're not criminals so that we enjoy hurting you.

TALK ABOUT IT - this is this comment's mantra.

Thanks for reading :)

maha ny said...

The 'rape' thing.
What are the things that I should take extra care of? how would you want me to react when people talk?


NO it is not a thing it is a violent act! the mere fact that you are walking on egg shells proves that you really don't understand the issue, either through ambivalence or mere contempt!

Will this affect our sexual relation by any means? tell me so I can give you what you want.

again what men in the middle east fail at repeatedly is confusing rape and sex!

If you passed treatment, you'll have to tell me, and you'll have to inform me about things I might do spontaneously and hurt you, and what you'd expect from me in return.

care to elaborate what you mean by 'passed' as resolving issues can be a life long process.

i respect your effort but you fail miserably at execution.

regard maha.

ibhog said...

@maha ny
No, I really am not contemptuous, I just don't know how she'd feel about my stupid questions. I'm not confusing rape and sex (who does?), all I'm asking is whether the rape incident affected her psychologically or even physically so that a normal sexual relation would make her uneasy (and there have been reported cases of convulsive reactions to men).

What I meant by 'passed' is that if she would know information about herself through some kind of professional treatment she received, information that might help us in our relationship, or prevent problems (of which kind? I don't know, that's why I'm asking), I would use them.

I respect your frankness. I understand that I failed miserably, that's because this is a new territory to me. I don't have enough information or knowledge.

What a guy should do, in your opinion, to express his support without hurting the other party in such a case?

Or you meant, considering it a 'thing' ever was the error here? If that's the case, then I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hurt her of course, I was just trying to be supportive. If I'm making things worse, then she should tell me immediately.

I'm waiting for other replies as honest and objective as yours :)

H.A.W. said...

Ibhog
your comments are really rich, that it needed me some time to focus to comment.i will just copy your words and coment after, whenever i wish to add.

"The age thing"
there is nothing guaranteed when it comes to human relations and affairs of the heart.you can not measure, guarantee, anticipate, or whatever youo want to call it- when it comes to future.simply people change and feelings change. part cold be cotnrolled, part not.
therefore what i think best practice to be is to choose life partner based on what we have today, with a glimpse of the future.there are some things, which will never change, like personal attitude, kindness, agressiveness, etc.these will remain forever.other things could change: financial status, religious status- more or less- career, etc.
i would choose my life partner based on what he has today, considering the future- but not "counting" on it. none knows what tomorrow brings: illness, welth, career path, children. but at least we have the basics clear NOW.
we dont ahve the future, we have today. if we can hold on together today, we could pass the test of tomorrow.so, would you give up today for the unknown tomorrow????
live today and leave tomorrow to its creator.
people change up to a certain degree, but this shouldnt stop us from building the future based on what we have NOW.
if we take the risk, there are 2 possible results: success or failure.
if we dont take the risk, there is only one certain result: failure.
your choise.
i would choose to risk and accept the consequences.
this brings me to your honesty:
if there is not complete and full honesty from both parties, the building will collapse in less than 2 years. if you give false info, you will - consequently- receive false reaction bardo. sa7?
and belive me, it shows. in very small details, only we often fool ourselves and over look those details. never think you will be able to change a fundamental behaviour of your partner. this is the greatest illusion ever. either accept eachother the way you are NOW, or leave.

"When I tell you that I don't know how to react to people's insinuations"

who deosnt wait to come home to escape stupidity of others, and rest at side of his partner?
if i am not to complain about silly things to my partner, to whom shall i talk then? and the way goes vice versa.
guess, i should discuss or talk or tell my partner whatever is upsetting or bothering me. who else tayeb?
it would take its time and that's it. you got it off your chest, and the day would continue.
same at the other partner bardo.
i'd complain of my stupid destructive manager, and he will have to listen.ata2 tayeb? :))))

"When I tell you that you'll have to promise me that academic and intellectual difference between us should never affect our
relationship"
it shouldnt be visible aslan. think about it. what brought us together up to the phase where we take a serious step?
mutual love and interest and wanting to share the rest of our lives. the exploring and getting to know eachother -phase is almost over now.
if we reached this phase, means we already know eachother enough to judge if our academic, intellecutal and cultural levels match or not.
if a female holds a PHD, her husband not- believe me HE has the problem, not she. sorry,no offending :))

H.A.W. said...

Age thing- part 2
sorry, number of allowed characters per comment wasnt enough to get it on one part :))))
"When we have a fight (and we will), and if I felt that me being younger affected my position. How will we work this out?"

we will fight as partners, not strangers.we already knwo and love eachother. fights will be on small issues. we have already passed the big issues before deciding to be toghetherr. on whatever phase that might be.
being younger doesnt make her your mother. she is still your partner. you are equal in ths relationship. you have chosen to be together- it is not dictated on any of you. you are free to stay or leave. this sense of equality wont let you feel any difference.

"Will you treat me the same if I was older than you or your own age? even if at times, you have more experience than me, and if
you did, would you predict how I would react? how you think I should act?"

the basic of any relationship is respect. older, younger, female, male, etc, in all cases this basic MUST be kept.then nothing will go wrong. and there is always the open honest constructive discussion between both of you.
guys, communicate.

experinece comes with age, but there are other ways of gaining experience. being older doesnt necessary mean she is wiser. or stronger. you being younger doesnt mean you are tafeh, and have no personlaity of your own.
if you are a PHD holder of intellectual science, you most probably know nothing about affairs of the heart :)))
and the other way round. instead of compete- COMPLETE eachother.
none can predict other's reaction 100%. up to a certain level, everyone of us has a side none knows. up to a certain degree temporary circumstances could effect your reaction, etc.
i could "predict" how my partner would react in a certain situation based on my previous knowledge and expereince with him. yet this prediction is alaways +- 15%- which could be temp effecting him or soemthing i still dont know about him. depending on situation ya3ni.
and there are other times when i am would be sure 100% of his reaction, because i KNOW him.
when he gets angry, he would never physically hurt me, or beat me. he would talk in a higher sharper voice tone.in rare phases scream at my face. but i'm sure that he will never slap me.
this is based on my knowledge about him, and that's why i ahve chosen him.
got my point?

"Do you think there are some other concerns we should talk about? ones I skipped."
just talk. guys, open your mouth and talk. say what you think about. we- females- are not mind readers or fortune tellers. we dont predict what you want to do or say. unless we communicate, we will reach the square 0.
give your partner time to talk. listen to her. even small things she says, tells u much about her.you need these info to complete the image and make up your mind.

"Now, for me, I can imagine that this conversation would get stormy at times, but it'll make us a stronger couple. And I would
pretty much give a lot of kisses on the head and on the cheeks through it"

perfect! just take care never to insult your partner.dont start going through this road. exchanging insults, even if you broke up will never be forgotten.

H.A.W. said...

The 'rape' thing.part 1

What are the things that I should take extra care of? how would you want me to react when people talk?

if the incident is known,then ppl would probably mention it- for no good reason but ra3y 3ala el fady.
just keep silent, sit beside her and hold her hand. she will understand the message.
if you can send angry looks to theri directions t stop them from talking.
if you dont care much about those people, tell them openly to keep their noses where it belongs; their faces. and tell openly that you dont allow anyone to hurt oyur partner. they will shut up immeditely because of them are cowards.

if the incident is not known, then dont ever tell her secret. its a very sensitive area for her. she told you becasue she trusts you, not to discuss or tell strangers.
keep the subject away from discussion- AFTER one long deep talk between both of you, during which everything and all details should be uncovered.

"Will this affect our sexual relation by any means? tell me so I can give you what you want."
your way will be completely different than the experience she went through. sa7? but this is very individual part. you have to know about it. if you cant ask direcetly,you will still knwo how to appraoch her. you will find the answer deep down in your heart. all i can say here, is just be gentle.

H.A.W. said...

the rape thing - part 2
"If you passed treatment, you'll have to tell me, and you'll have to inform me about things I might do spontaneously and hurt you, and what you'd expect from me in return."
none can tell better than the girl herself. talk to her. ask her. but start your talk with clearing your intentions. ya3ni tell her that you want to know, for not to accidently hurt her. i am positive your sincere and tender way of talking will reach her, and encourage her to open up.
let it be on one shot. if you feel she is cracking in the middle- ask if she wants to stop.or simply show a tender reasssuring gesture. just show her your care and understaning.

"We'll have to come to terms with the 'rape topic' generally, are there special requests here? so I don't screw up and make you uneasy."
its not a daily topic to discuss.once you have all info, she knows how much you love her, there is no need to open it again. uneasy times might come, you will then know how to handle based on the first talk you had with her. you will know what to do. there is no bamfleat here to show or consultancy. its your instinct.
sometimes she needs to cry so let her. soemtiems just hold her tight. in other times tell her how much you love her.
its just she would need every now and then the reassurance of your "heartbeat". bas.

"I really don't know what else to ask, but if you have something I should know, please tell me honestly"

ask her. but ottom line: just be kind to her.dont treat her like a crippled person and dont be harsh. remember that she has been through a cruel experience which she will never forget. but most probably she has come to terms of living with it. help her to continue this way. support in weak moments, step a little back and giver her self confidence in other moments.
i think your sincere care and love are enough.

"This conversation will have to be on phases, and I will try my best to be as understanding as I can, but it's imperative that we talk. I can imagine her giving me the looks.."
guess on one shot would be better, instead of going through this over and over again. but its her decision and how much she could handle afterall.
dont worry about her screaming or looks.BEFORE she jumps to conclusion, you TELL her what its all about. just tell her these words you wrote here. unless you know, you might screw things up.
bas. it will pass.

A VERY IMPORTANT NOTE:

if you guys would tell, we would understand. if you just disappear, how the hell am i to interpret this?????
just say that you need some time on your own, and you will be back.
or drop a line of sorry, need to stop here. good luck.
not asking for SMS costing you guys 30 piasters. email would do.
bas imagine ba2a someone decides to disappear and hoping for my understanding.
besara7ah, i dont understand such an irresponsible gesture !!!!!

Another important note:

i could say the very same thing. guys, open your mouth, and talk to us please. help me understand and support. dont think we are mind readers and act like we read yoour minds but are not respecting your wishes.
open up. its damn difficult to deal with soemone who you cant communicate with.forget what society tells how a man should be like, and be yourself. be who you are with the girl you have chosen to be your partner. dotn listen to silly traditions or what they want you to do.

H.A.W. said...

Ibhog, i think Mohaly and the others already hate us for these essays.
but again, your comments are rich.

At this point, the girl pulls back too very fast, complicating things. Now, let me tell you that me 'wanting to be honest with you (as in I accept your conditions)', rather than me 'being really honest with you', and though are totally different things, but yet they all compose so much of how I care about you and how much I crave you in my life.

"But, at the very point I freak out, you take it personally, and you accuse me of being a jerk, a thing that vehemently destroys my esteem, and hinders any attempt on my behalf to make it up to you."

first, this is lack of communication. dont take a step she doesnt know about. if you need soem time to be on your own, pick up the phone, tell her of your intentions. tell of estimated time. tell her to wait for you.
bas dont disappear and expect her to understand its got nothing to do with her.
first explantion jumping to her head: its me. then she will start building up on this fact and complicating things.
sa7?
avoid the hassle and tell her. communicate. bas.

and if there is a way to avoid any confrontations with your family, friends or ppl arround you regarding any of her conditions- do that. begad. ppl wont stop talking.
your family neednt know she is older. none would care to check her ID. wallahi.
and especially the rape part. never tell if its not known. you will save yourself and her from a hell going on for the rest of your lives.
but again, discuss the whole issue with her before taking a step.

"Just as you have unusual conditions, I have ones too; namely, me fighting this society (and my own self for that matter) to be a better man for your expectations! Yet, somehow, you relate our success as a couple to my issues, when it's your turn to play the hero."

who said i want you to change? i have chosen and accepted the person you are now. I accpet and love you for who you are, didnt ask for any modified versions of you.
you want to change, fine. but this is for you. not for me.
and i would support if i know whats going on. as long as i am standing in dark, i cant see. sorry. light the room :))))
got my point? WE NEED TO TALK.

"You know very well that accepting unusual conditions with that much of dirt staining our conceptions as a society, is a huge compromise, and no, it's not pity, it's very different from pity. But couples exert so much effort to approach each other and resolve their differences, me accepting things from you I normally wouldn't from others, means that I LOVE you, not that I pity you!"

guess this was exactely what the writer of the post meant.
if you feel this way, then better to step back. you make me feel like you are sacreficing your life for me. you will not feel the HUGE compromise, if you really love her. sorry, but this is the indication you gave. as long as you feel "sacreficing" means that you dont really accept her. dotn knwo what taht is, but its not love. when you love soemone you never feel how big you are giving.you just give.
watch this part.

H.A.W. said...

general comments part 2

"But, what if, I couldn't help but worry about things too. It's not that I'm being headless and adamant out of the blue, suddenly rejecting you, and hurting your feelings, but you'll have to make a compromise now and contain me just as I contained you and made you admire me in the first place."

share your worries with me and lets work them out, instead of isolating yourself and keeping me in the dark.we will end up hurt, both of us.
sa7?

"You'll have to respect my pulling away, and you'll have to support me through it, rarely do girls do that, I mean it's practically insane, to support a guy to get away from you!, but to your surprise, that's actually how he'll hit back right at your lap."
shouf, a girl has an instict telling that this person is pulling away. but you know what is the mistake you guys do?
you dont tell open. you just pull away.
but look at the other side. its mainly not the fact that you are leaving which hurts mostely. but the way you do it.
ya3ni not answering your phone, email or SMS would make me feel like a piece of dirt, thrown away in the garbage bag and that's it.
why dont you make this move in a decent way, just as decent as you have appraoched her? you were nice and gentle when you first introduced youorself to her. sa7?
why not use the same tacktick when pulling away?
save her the pain.
i wouldnt want soemone "stuck"with me- i want soemone "staying"wiht me.the whole weight here is in the willing to stay while i am free to leave.
but because i care about hte person you are, i am telling you open and honest that i need to leave.
any respectable girl will pull back too.
bas keda.

"We are a 'together', we accept each other with all of our 'conditions' be them usual or unusual, when one of us needs a rope down the will, the other will just have to throw it, if they don't, one will stay down there for good, and the story will end."

yes, just dont forget to act like a team infront of others too.

"In relationships, we don't judge, We coexist. You'll have to tell me 'everything', and you'll have to be very honest about all of your problems and conditions, because guess what, I'll have to love them too! And, concerning my part, I will too, I will articulate everything, I will tell you that I 'want to be with you', but that 'you'll have to help me fight and change for you', I won't be able to change without your support."

fine, but keep in mind the need to change is not crucial here. if you dont accept her the way she is now, then slow down.
same goes for her bardo. and dont expect huge changes. none changes dramatically. you can barely change her sleeping habits of sleeping in darkness instead of small light :)))

"It's an expensive request to ask me to accept a thing the society tries to alienate without giving me support, and even if I did it on my own, I won't be sure if this sacrifice wouldn't affect 'us' in the future."
as long as you feel it as sacreficing, then you are not ready. slow down.
how much anything affects you, is your own decision. you will either allow it, or you will stop everyone from putting their noses in your affairs or running your life.

im done iwht my comments.
thx for provoking me so much :)))

Maha Aly said...

H.A.W & Ibhog .... I really admire you both & love reading ur comments :)
I just love the fact that there are still ppl like u guys, ppl who are honest with themselves & with other ppl ..... ppl who care about other ppl !
Of course Mohaly is one of those guys.

I want to add to ur comments but it's too late for me to focus, tomorrow isa :)

Mohaly said...

Ibhog & HAW: We don't hate you khales, bel3aks, these long discussions along with the short ones and the funny ones is what gives the blog its variety & depth in the same time. Thank you begad.

Maha: :)))

ibhog said...

@H.A.W.
That's what I'm talking about :)

I have comments, but when I thought about it I told myself: "I made my point. Further discussion will depend ba2a on individual cases".

@Maha & Mohaly
Thanks :) :)

H.A.W. said...

Maha
thx.just trying to help
Mohaly
guess, if i open my mouth again, you WILL hate me.
joking :)))))

H.A.W. said...

ibhog
whatever you need to discuss, im ready.
besara7ah i cant resist the temptation.
i was just checking your blog.
interesting one :)))