-------- "This is the time for action not only words, use your God given gifts to develop this country, dont be afraid to speak up, and feel PROUD THAT U R EGYPTIAN." -------- Mohaly, Feb 2011

Sunday, September 27, 2009

608) Being Yourself ::: Episode 2 - Part 1 !

As I mentioned before Ramadan that I will have "Being Yourself" as a new series in this blog but this time with your contribution as well. The first contribution I got from one of the blog readers who asked me not to reveal the name. It is a direct question addressing blog readers specially men. This message is divided into 2 parts where I am showing 1st part now and 2nd part in another post.

Dear Mohaly,
How far would you -males- go against your society and family and be yourself, when it comes to loving a girl who has "unusual" conditions?
with unusual conditions i mean mainly 2 areas:

1. older than you:
would you accpet it? i am addressing a generation living in 21st century, educated, open minded and already changed many old norms. but this concept is still not accpeted from many and not tolerated from many families.
what is the point?
- its not 7aram (our prophet & Khadija),
- its legal -no law agaisnt it,
- no statistics show that older age of a woman could be one of divorce's reasons.
- no moral objections to the concept.
- no medical objections to the concept. never heard that an older wife could be the reason of an unhealthy child.
why do we still look at it as a strange marriage? why do mothers go agaisnt it and see their sons as "etda7ak 3aleih"?
is it bad? is it wrong?
why do we still look at the girl in such a case as "shatra" because she convinced him of accepting her?
howa is she THAT bad, just because she is older?

would you guys stand for your right of choosing your wife according to your norms and not to your society and family? go agaisnt your mothers and stand to your wife-to-be?
is it hard? unacceptable? bad? wrong?


BaTaBeeT said...

I totally agree with you... I kinda face the same problem myself !

I'm 10 months older than my bf and I'm scared of the consequences knowing that my dad might kill me :D (more than his family)

I dunno why we think like this as a community...

anyways... they always say because the woman gets older faster than the man....

but u know what ?
most of the couples I know with an older woman, who are now married with children are better than the other way round... not a rule but I really think its better...

Maha Aly said...

Hi All, missed you & missed commenting here :)
It's a very interesting topic Mohaly, one of the major "issues" our sick society still thinking about. "oohhh she is OLDER than him !!"
What's the problem of the age difference? it all depends on the person, the way he/she thinks.
I know a case of a woman who is 50 & has 3 children (two of them already finished their education), after she got divorced she married a guy - who is 12 years younger than her, they are married for 6 years now & really are very happy.
BUT ..... Two of her children were not accepting the situation, treating her husband in a very bad way till they started to realize that he is really making their mom happy (their father was not that good with her as her new husband)
The man's family also did not accept the marriage, did not approve it & they called her a bitch!

I beleive that there is nothing wrong for a girl to be older than the guy, as long as they have a good healthy & serious relation, so what?!

john said...

why should i marry someone older? i wanna play with her.

nashat said...

batabeet eh elit el haya wil mas3ara dee! boy fren we girla fren....masr bazit!

ahmed said...

nashat you left the whole issue and is mocking batabeet?

allah? howa batabeet a male or female?

amina said...

I do not think that our society is pro this although some guys are 10 years older but 20 years more silly!

Noly said...

Although I tried not to be a pessimistic person and this post for Men asasn, but from my experience nowadays in our society and with some sick mentalities, rarely when you can find a guy who is ready to stand against anything for his love with or without unusual conditions asln.
Most of them always choose the easy way 3amalan by mabda2 ( leh at3b nafsy 5las ba2a mesh moshkla mafesh naseb w ahy el banat kter !. Without putting into consideration that it's seldom when you can meet the right person for you in your life.

P.S: who told you John that when you marry a girl who is older than you, she won't play with you?!
BTW this nice childish spirit is not related at all to the age of the person, I know many many young girls but they are ( KOBAAA A5R 7AGA) you can't stand spending with them even five minutes!

H.A.W. said...

playing spirit has got nothing to do with age, dear.
nothing in the human spirit and soul has anything to do with the number of years one lives.
think about it.
the only thing that can make someone aging is his way of living. his positive or negative view of life.
the feeling of still want to live, have much to give and share with others, have future plans and hopes, wants to explore the world -this is the anti-aging prescription.
give up hope, sit back wiht empty hands and mind, stop caring for anything- this is when your soul will die at the age of 20.
something i have learned from my teacher, who is 71 now and planning to start a new career- instead of teaching chemistry and physics- he will start teaching crippeled children music :)))))

saralona said...

i really liked this post awy we 3la fekra kon en elgirl tekon akbr men elguy de mesh moshkla ya gm3a mahy momkn teb2a keda bas mesh bayn 3leha we te7saha tefla khalesss we shklha asghr meno asln we mybnsh 3leha we fe haga kaman 3yza a2olha en mab2ash fe 7d momkn eno y3trd 3la elage elfamily dlw2ty btbos 3la elbent bent elnas elmo2dba elkwisa we b2t akhr haga tboslha hea senha (3shn rarly enk tl2y w7da kwisa) we bas khalas :D

p.s: noly u r discussing somthing totally out of the topic( read the post again so that u may understand it ya baby ;);))

Mohaly said...

Batabeet: 10 months is the same year. I dont think that is considered older.

Maha: we missed you too :) People are toooooooooooooooooooooo nosy. Sometimes, actually many times I just wanna say, WENTA MAL AHLAK!

Noly: and do women fight and stand for love more than men these days? I think it is on both sides dear.

Mohaly said...

My opinion is that age comes second after mutual understanding/respect/love (sa7 ya saralone?), as this is what it takes for having a successful marriage.
However, it has to have a limit, ya3nee if she is gonna be older, then it should be few years but not 10+ years (except in very few cases where they really match and the guy is over mature), as this may create a gap in understanding on the long run.

Marwa said...

I believe that Physical age is not important at all either he/she is older or younger.

Mental age is the crucial part of it.
Ya3ny for example you can be older Physically than your spouse by 10 years, and mentally younger by 10 years; in this case you will live together as if you are at the same age we mafeesh moshkela 7'aless:)))

MariannE_N said...

Hey Batabeet :-)
10 months is not a big deal. Actually ... I "think" that up to 5 years is really acceptable, other than that it could look ridiculous.
It will be a huge difference even in shape, especially that girls are ... ehmmmm more mature that guys :-)))) so a girl cannot be elder more than 5 years. Hmmm a guy can be older by 10 years
I remembered Madonna and her Bf, the boy is just 20 something. And also Demi Moore is older than her husband by 15 years, I think this is way too much difference, sa7?

H.A.W. said...

i agree with you. men do really prefer the easy way, as you because "women are there anyway"

Mohaly, yes, women do fight and stand for love more than men these days.its not on both sides. or let me say very rare.
i have seen it over and over. at the first fight, its khalas, balash waga3 demagh. while the girl is willing to give another chance.
and yes, women are more willing to protect their love and future than men. dont know if its nature, or the fact that men are less than women so they feel free to break up any time, antoher one si available anyway.
often it seems to me guys are fearing the committment, even fearing to love. with no reason, they just fear it and decide to walk away. its like entering a lifetime prison. not making fun wallahi, but i had this feeling with many firends.
i see them liking a girl, but stopping any further step all of a sudden for some hidden fear.ya3ni not even trying then failing fa they decide to leave. la2, they leave because of fearing to fail.
i cant udnerstand it. it could be tab3an old bad expereince, but if we keep away from anything new because of old experience, this is like i am waving goodbye to life!!!!

H.A.W. said...

an interesting couple you have here.
you know, the secret of their success is they insisted on taking the chance to live as they want, and protect their love.
he protected - or supported- her from silly comments and bad treatement of his family, she stood up for him against her kids till they got the chance to really know him.
maho this is the stupidity of our society. pre-judging soemone based on old norms, for no real reason. she COULD be a bitch, and she could be his soulmate.
bas give it a try.

Noha said...

In rare cases it works but not usually.

Maha Aly said...

I agree with H.A.W that women are more likely to stand for their love more than men, but ....... some women can do that upto a certain limit
For example, why would i fight for someone who doesn't wanna fight for me? I have to feel/know that he worth to fight for!

Omar Rostom said...

ya Maha Why the hell we should fight aslan, heya na2sa :)

3ala ra2ee Tohamee basha: Leih nekhser madam fe 2edna neskab :)

Omar Rostom said...

akbar ba2a asghar, el mohem is she "mozza"? ya3nee tesed :)

maha ;-p

Maha Aly said...

a typical reply from u ya omar :-)

Tayeb let's say she is 'mozza' & up to "ur standards" would u marry her?

H.A.W. said...

not surprised ya omar :)))
tayeb if she is, then its ok with you?
how many years would you accept?
and, what's your definition of "mozza"?

H.A.W. said...

and BTW, the post is about marriage, not having her as your GF. :))))
will you marry her ba2a?

Noly said...

Mohaly shoft ba2a magebtsh 7aga mn 3andy ana :). I totally agree with you HAW :). w MSA Omar a2lha why to fight aslan ehna lesa hanewga3 damaghna ya ragel :D

When the girl truly loves a guy she fight for him till the end and when she feels that she is helpless to reach what she wants, she gives another trial to reach a compromise, simply she does anything but not giving up like what most guys do nowadays!

Tab3an fy exceptions fy kol 7aga w fy women giving up, bas bardo men aktar.

P.S: Saralona maybe what I'm discussing here is out of the topic somehow , but I found it logically for me to say so coz I'mnot convinced aslan that most of them are standing for their love.

Noly said...
This comment has been removed by the author.