It is the Valentine's Week again ... last year I have dedicated a whole week of posts for it, and some of you have written about this coverage in their blogs and online magazines. This year, allow me to interrupt "The Vision" series with a new series that will go in parallel: "No Hard Feelings". This series is mainly dedicated for the signs that men give women and how to understand it right, the problems that arise from mis-understanding, and false assumptions made by women in reading men... I think that the best time to launch the series is while people celebrating the Love festival; the Valentine's ;)
Women -in general- have their own dictionary about men; unfortunately, this dictionary is always written and developed by women. In order to understand a man, you need to know it from a man not a woman, no matter how much this woman know men. You can consider this series -along with "What Men Want" that I have written in Summer 2008- a quick key to better understanding of men.
Men and Women do a big mistake by insisting on evaluating and interrupting each others actions and words with their own perceptions. This ends up in positioning the relation between them as a racing competition rather than an integration. Such noise created by the competition blocks their vision, and make them fail to realize that in a competition there should be a winner and a loser. However, men and women relations can't afford a loser; and hence, both of them will lose on the long term. We can't just keep competing, WE WILL BOTH LOSE.
So before going into this series' episodes, I want you to list what are the stuff that you need me to cover in this series; hence, I can take it into consideration in the rest of episodes. This is not for female audience only, I need men to tell me as well what they want to make it more clear to women to have better understanding and relations..
P.S. This may open the floor for quarrles, so please accept each other's opinions.
... For all the single ladies reading or following my blog ... Happy Valentine's!
xoxoxo ;)
Mohaly
45 comments:
1.BOTH should be aware of the damn Fact that we r of Different Nature!!
2.Any PROBLEM can be handled Only through Compromising,Flexibility & throwing our killing Pride & selfishness behind!!
3.Learning the real meaning of GIVING mutually wizout waiting 2 TAKE!!
4.Both should be aware of his/her own Duties n Rights towardz z other wizout any Shortage in each!!
Goodluck anyway in such Episode:) it'l be so controversial & interesting as well,so be ready 4 all z Comments!
Happy Valentine's to you too Mohaly :)
Well my 1st question will be why would a man play the friendship card after leaving the friendship square.
And why a man will always say that I never said I am interested in the time he has given all the signs.
Both questions are related because probably a man would use them together. A man will typically say, I never said I am interested we are just friends.
Does men know when someone likes them? Or really men are as stupid as they claim?
Why a man would usually move away if a woman took the 1st step?
I will get back with more questions
Ah and please would you define the border line for friendship between a man and a woman.
ya3ny what will a man do knowing that he is now leaving the friendship square
And the teasing, what makes a man tease a woman. What will make him bring the subject that he knows makes her furious. If he knows she is jealous what makes him get things to that place and then laugh about her reactions?
would you please add" why do men have such a hot and warm emotions before marriage and after marriage he becomes a robot."?
Why men seem to have buttons?
How come they have the ability to say and do things that they are not really feeling?
I know that women do the same sometimes, but it's an exception with women, a rule with men!!
Happy Valentine's day Mohaly:)
women needs to know that men are not a home pet, they have - men - sense of responsibility, living in peace and being passionate but some times for the life pressure they can't cope women for what they want.
what i mean that women must know that men have some needs in addition to be just a romantic.
ok crude and judgmental but i'm sorry---
women talk so much and think so much that they create unwarranted anxiety ie a relationship from a friendship, a problem from nothing, confusing kindness with signals on and on...
even when things are good in a relationship they will read into things to foment something like 'why did you scratch your nose----'it's my food you don't like it?!?!?'
ahh i love being single and dating SELFCENTERED women, at least they are too busy looking in the mirror and don't think as much!
Great, keep on, Ibhog, ze2red, Nerro, Merhan, Hebba, fill me in..
It seems that I will take a vacation in order to be able tocover all that, but I am very enthusiastic about it even if it will take 20 episodes.
I am glad that Mohie, and Bora3ii are having their input coz i need to write a balanced series..
girls, please postpone ur fights with guys opinions here till the episodes, remember this is not abouyt fighting, or accusing, it is about being able to understand each others.. we can love each other in many forms, it is not only love and hate choices.
Even when we love each other, we should do it right. wala eih!
Mohaly
I am not planning to fight the guy's opinions. You don't get to have as much insider information every day.
As I said before, I'd do anything just to get into a man's mind.
Hi mohaly....interesting idea but to make it better balanced I suggest U take into consideration the following :
Though U will express ur opinion as a man, yet, ur opinions represent only ur point of view ( I hate globalization , no use in my opinion !)
another thing, be willing to acknowledge new things u learn about women alongside....
I agree women-men shouldn't be a battlefield , else both lose!
Waiting for the first episode :)
sherry, thanks, actually i have mentioned that when i first talked about this series.
Don't worry...The things that I will be talking about and expressing my opinion I will be saying: Personal View/Experience. The stuff I will be expressing my+other male friends views I will say: Common View. The stuff I will get out of research I will say Experts views.
Da there is a surprize kaman to make it more unbiased, but won't announce it soon ;)
actually Mohaly I have read "what men want" and I agree with what U say......I have reading many books "self-development" about this n I have reached to same conclusions....believe it or not, I find theory is ok but we are used to our habbits....so it takes awhile to go beyond our habbits...I mean in the way we react n act.....in order to bridge the gap , one be must be honset with self and keep monitoring behaviours which could be frustrating coz it gets in the way of spontaneity !!!! I guess too much brain is double-edge weapon :P...I have to resort to what I always say.....living n talking about life are not the same thing ! :)
That is a dilemma anonymous !!
by the way, who are u?
it is me sherry...sometimes when I fill the verfication the name gets errased !
for me it only boils down to the question: eno why do most men find the what you see is what you get kind of gals boring!!
Happy Valentine's Day Mohaly :).
Please add to my list the following questions:
1) To which extent woman should trust man in their relationship?
2) Why man as long as the girl is brushing him off and ignoring him yeb2a haymot 3shan yewsal leha and when he is certain sure that she started to love him fag2a yet7awel ly 7ad tany belmara ?!
3) When it comes to the giving part, should woman give too much without following ( el mafrod rule)coz simply she loved that person wala 7ata even if she loves him bardo tedy by7odod in order not 2 b misused against her?
4) w ya slam ba2a if you can tell me how can I know whether this person truly means what he is saying? and don't tell me that you will feel it coz sa3etha we just say he loves me why the hell he will lie to me?
Thanks Mohaly :)
Look at you ignoring ur latest fan! :@
I was just about to give your blog my first "Smile tag".Your PS made me crack!:D
Happy Valentine's to you too!
Anyway...You are officially tagged.Your blog did make me smile today.Check your email for the rules please..
Anyway regarding your topic,I think its a great idea.I love the comments so far.I sure will be stopping by a lot.However no questions regarding the other sex pop in mind now.Maybe because I decided to ignore their existence ..haha.
first take a look at this post
http://depressedy.blogspot.com/2010/01/ugly-truth.html
it was a debate about men weakness, it really confusing for me so there was this question I had in my mind since forever;
Why do guys chicken out a lot.I mean he might have the enough courage to say I like you but then when you start liking him back he asks you to give him time and he cuts all means of communication. Is this there way of telling us that they changed there mind or shall we just hang in there and wait?
how can a guy control his feelings and actions this way, or how can he be so sure all of a sudden?
how to react appropriately when a guy tells he's interested(I mean when the girl is feeling the same, you know sometimes the reaction tend to turn him away)
how to show interest in guys
when to trust a guy
when a guy come and tell a problem(not sure if he just telling it or asking for solution) what is the best way to react (i know you guys prefer silence and going to your cave)
Ps. I've grew to be a silent-treatment kind of girl(thinking that is the safest track) how could that affect my relationships to come
so this is my questions so far, maybe I'll be right back with more
And Happy Valentine's day too :) (excuse me, I was all nervous, focusing on the questions, lol)
And btw ladies I know you will kill me but I agree with the guys over here.We sometimes over complicate stuff.I have messed up a lot of good friendships because of the so called "signs".I would freak out and ignore the friend as I think he was falling for me when he was just trying to be sweet.And sometimes shallow women are easier to tolerate.We need to ease up a bit form time to time and let things happen :)
Nerro: ya 3a2la enti :)
Noly: Thanks, it seems i will have a sub-series dedicated to answer you.
Neisy: ya rab dayman :))) 7ader will check the smile thing in the afternoon inshaa Allah, and ignoring the other sex was never a solution.
Deppy: That is an interesting debate. I think I need to watch the movie as well.
hi to everyone :) nice topic
i'll just comment with this formula, until 50% you are fine.
action + reaction - expectation /100 = hard feeling percentage
waiting for comments
i know i'm late, i read the post the moment it was published when u needed to pack rather than writing :)
el mohem, i'm writing this down before going through the comments so i would be biased to my own opinion.
It's true men and women misinterpret each others actions and that is because of the major difference in personality and all.
so my questions are:
1- Why do guys give girls signs, and let them think there is something more, and the moment confronted they use the "Let's be Friends" line?
2- How could you know that a guy is after you only for being friends and when is it for more?
3- I'm a girl, and i know when flirting is just flirting, and when there are feelings thrown at me with the flirts. We have sensors you know? So when exactly should we stop and think "la2 la2" akeed i misunderstood!!
4- Why can't guys tell a girl that there are limits for their relationship if he is not interested. Girls do it all the time. Why does he use the excuse "asl ana matrabetsh akoon 2aleel el zo2". So does that mean that girls lack manners? last time i checked when a girl sets down her boundaries she is respected for that. I hear that a lot by the way. A girl gets attached and the guy is not interested but he is having fun with the attention SO...!!! "language censored :D"
5- Sa7ee7 girls have their dual dictionary about interpreting things, specially when words can carry several meanings. Why can't guys be straight forward?
Isn't talking and making things clear from the very start, when doubts start invading, better than keeping people attached and eventually hurting them. Guys need to know that girls can accept and believe the exact meaning of the straight forward talk when they feel it's sincere.
Males and females really need to grasp the idea of being different and learn it's all about integration, understanding, and accepting and not competing.
So did i go out of context?
Interesting!
Well, you know me and my comments. I actually have an answer to all the questions posted by gals. But I'll postpone my answers until later to see what Mohaly has to say.
About my questions, here goes:
- Why do women make assumptions about what the guy does or doesn't have to do? Why won't you tell me how to make you happy? Why stuff it in for years and have false hope that I'll, miraculously, change?
- When you make a sacrifice, why do you do it, silently? If you're the only one who knows that it's a sacrifice, then, in a relationship, it's not. It's just something the guy finds you the perfect match in. [No one says: "I don't always do X, I just did it for you now - we have to talk about it", X: repressing anger or negative feelings, sometimes].
Bass, only two, very similar questions, actually :)
ze2red, more or less u r summarizing what is said :))
Ibhog: Thank You, coz if we didnt wait and discuss each espisode/issue alone, the ubject will be more messy than it is already.
By the way, I am counting on you as the 1st male contributor in this blog after myself. It is a 75% majority of women here, we rabena yostor 3aleena :))
@ Mohaly: yeah i figured when i went through the comments ba3d keda :D, the thing is that i heard things were taking a bad detour so i thought i should comment before reading.
w ba3deen, it's normal to have more or less a 75% women majority since statistics say that the number of females to males are 3:1
@ Ibhog: yeslam fomak :D
seriously thumbs up for the questions. sometimes i wonder about that also.
That would bring another question, what if, a girl did excatly what Ibhog said w bardo ma3gbsh?
(I kinda already know the answer but I need to make sure)
Thanks Mohaly :). Actually I know it's too much but your sympathy is not enough in our case, besara7a ana lma sada2t :).
5las answer as you wish :), w aked fel tare2 keda hala2y answers for the rest I want to know :).
@ Deppy: asln fy 7agat you don't have to say, guys are smart enough to figure it out w msh bas 3shan keda. sa3at lma bn2olha 5las msh bnfra7 beha 7ata law 7aslt ba3d keda.
I guess both sides have to exert some effort to know what makes each other happy and just do it by their selves without mentioning it.
w Allah w a3lam bardo :).
@ noly, bezabt, fe3lan msh btfra7na bas at some point btwada7i kol 7aga, what is upsetting you, what is making you happy and what you need him to do in order to make comprise, at the moment he appreciate it and tells you he's happy you cleared things up and then later, wala ka2nek 2olty 7aga :D + he never appreciate it 7ata, ne3mel eh aktar mn kda? ne3ta2 nafsena? :D
yaaaaaaaaah ya Deppy it seems en el version ely nazla el yomen dol fel so2 are all the same :D :D.
The same happened with me 3ala fekra :). basra :)
Debby: Howa e7na lesa radena 3ala el questions el 3adeya lama hanfakar fel hypothetical ones?!
Noly: I will answer them all inshaa Allah.
Did you get my email Mr.Mohaly?! :@
it's not hypothetical ya mohaly, it already happened :)
yes, and waiting for the blog that will make me smile :)
by the way I never understand such emails and how it works ;)
So shall I untag my tag?! =P
@ Mohaly: ana ba2ol te3od tekteb post ba2a 3ashan the questions and the answers ba2o keteer :D.
btw, you are tagged on my blog to, check it :)
ah I got it, sorry makontesh fahem, i will write about it (the tagged and others) on Feb 27th in-shaa-Allah :))
To all:
Thanks a million for the great input, I expected quite some interaction, but not that much. It is scary though.
Please note that i am taking this series (as well as "the vision" that is running now, and previously "being yourself"). I am already compiling and doing an outline for your raised issues. I am also preparing surveys, gathering statistics, reading articles so that I dont only give my opinion but also common and expert ones as much as I can.
I am expecting the series to be a long one (may be the longest ever in MOHALYICS), so the best way to is to run it in on fixed days beside the normal posts and other potential series ("the Vision" is not over yet).
So I decided to dedicate Sundays for "No Hard Feelings" Series. Each Sunday starting 21 Feb i will be writing a new Episode to answer all these questions/issues, and the ones that may arise too. I really don't know when it will end, but It wont end until I have compiled a list of keys to deal with males signs, understand them, win their support (but will not tell you how to win/beat them tab3an ;)
I never thought that the blog will one day be part of my schdule.. With all my work at AUC, in trainings, consulting, and public work, I really dont know how will I get the time for writing all what I want... but I know that I will coz I love it, I love the audience, I love the difference that can be made, and it is part of a bigger project afterall (it is a secret just one person "M.R." knows about it) ;p
Thank You..
ya3ni after anticipating a new post every Sunday and all what we will read (but will not tell you how to win/beat them tab3an)
i will go with the saying "el 7ede2 yefham :p"
That is something you have to earn not taught ;)
Mohaly as usual you always deliver new interesting thoughts i really ENJOYED it
p.s donot want to comment bec i think that every male and female r unique and so we cannot generalize ay haga that i do on all women and vice versa so not all situations are the same in the way we handle them.
i want to ask one question though from a male opinion" do all guys really act and think the same,(i donot think so.. dah ra2y) why do they change after a while in a relationship and require that we take the initiative to spice the relationship?" waiting ur REPLY
@ merhan, you should try reading "Men from Mars, women from Venus"
Moh I hit upon this http://adatingman.blogspot.com/
Hopefully it would be useful :)
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