-------- "This is the time for action not only words, use your God given gifts to develop this country, dont be afraid to speak up, and feel PROUD THAT U R EGYPTIAN." -------- Mohaly, Feb 2011

Saturday, December 26, 2009

640) .. and the Misery goes on!

I simply can't understand how can a man in the 21st century deal with his wife through beating her up!

78% of husbands -in Egypt- have beaten their wives either physically or emotionally. The irony is that 65% only of these wives have admitted it !!.....13% were even afraid to admit it!

It is even a chronic crime ... when the children watch this as a normal scene, it becomes part of the their conception about marriage, ... and the misery goes on!

I can't blame the man only, I have to blame the families that apply double standards in raising their boys and girls..... to the extent that some men think of women as a piece of furniture at home, and women accept it coz of "del ragel wala del 7eta".

But it is not about blaming only. The question is: how to prevent this from being passed on to the next generation?

كشف الجهازالمركزى للتعبئة والاحصاء أن حوالى 78% من الأزواج اعترفوا بأنهم مارسوا أحد أشكال العنف سواء البدنى أو النفسى أو اللفظى ضد زوجاتهم، وفى المقابل أقرت 65% من الزوجات أنهن تعرضن لأحد اشكال العف على أيدى أزواجهن.


insomniac said...

strangely enough, a friend and i were discussing that yesterday! and sadly, we reached the point where we acknowledged that it happens with different degrees in all classes...

however, in "higher social classes", the abuse is rather emotional than physical, which makes it hard for the "victim" to realize, let alone stop, not to mention how divorce is still a tabboo despite its increasing rate!

and i agree with you, families mess up their kids, most of which somehow imply that "if you're a man and you provide, you get away with almost anything, be it infidelity or abuse"!! and they teach their girls that they "should obey their husbands no matter what"... and they misuse text such as "al regal qawammoon 3ala el nesa2" without bothering to explain what "qawama" means!!!!

i think women should know more about their roles, and understand that they should obey their husbands, but they should also learn to recognize abuse and have it in them to stop it, so that the mis perception of marriage does not get passed on from one generation to the next!

ibhog said...

21st century? I really believe it's about time we come to terms with ourselves and admit that the 'centuries' scale doesn't apply anymore in Egypt.

Because a typical Egyptian can be a countryman in morning, a high class business man in the afternoon, a jerk beating the crap out of his wife by evening, and a scam fooling around by night.

You'd find he prays and fasts, if not pretends being religious, or claims some sort of social superiority according to vague means he himself would contradict some hours after declaring them.

Same goes to women, double standards all the way, strange silence and surrender mistook for patience and family welfare. Freedom and redemption but in certain contexts. Unclear demands to unknowing men.

Parents who don't see well anymore through husbands for their daughters or through wives for their sons because nothing is clear. Nothing is standard. No one belongs to any thing.

Liberal at day and a bigot at night. Religious at day and a hypocrite at night.

And Oh, we forgot that what one says is totally different than what they actually do - so you go figure the equation.

I won't exaggerate if I say it's like spaghetti now, the whole relationships propaganda in this twisted society. You could almost fail to find two who belong to the same mentality. Pick a nice residence in any suburban in Cairo, and you'd find the 10 floors abide by 10 completely different mentalities in Religion, Marriage, Traditions, Openness, Morals, Relationships, even Work & Business ethics.

Or tell you something even funnier, go to the nearest Mosque and watch.

And even if you managed to categorize people in the Mosque. Hahaha, you only categorized them 'in the mosque', you'll have ba2a to run after everyone and experience them in all other places and situations and see el maskhara.

Who the hell are we? Muslims? Liberals? Conservatives? Reserved? Religious? Open minded? Brave? Clear? Scared? Confused? Hand down atheists in denial?

And if we project X (what we are), on Y (some situation we live through), with different X and Y values, then WOW! Imagine the Spaghetti! and multiply it by two (if not square it) when there 'is' human interaction (i.e Marriage).

If I don't know who I am, then how come I marry? How can I be sure I won't screw things up?

Honest? no one, absolutely no one, can be safe, given the horrible statistic you just mentioned. 78% lol!

Are we deep inside the spaghetti dish? or are we just watching from aloft, safe and confident?

How can one be so sure?

And most importantly, how can one define their X/Y map? or should we continue to deny there's a map in the first place? how then will we fix it 'according to who we should be'? lol, WHO we should be aslan?!

'piece of furniture at home'? look I won't argue, but I have examples where 'men' were pieces of furniture at homes. In fact, some domestic violence cases were filed because of the very reason. Just because 'Men' had their muscles, they were the ones to blame.

It's not about 'man' and 'woman' anymore, it's about how a 'person' lives their life. Not to mention lives their life, 'with another person'.

We need help terribly in that area.

cairo, lusaka, amsterdam said...

Wow, that number is high :S But not really surprising, unfortunately...

Like you said, women are also responsible. They raise their sons to disrespect women in general, so who is surprised that their sons beat their sisters and wives??

Men are much more responsible though. When will they respect and care about women enough to not abuse them?

amina said...

well chosen picture by the way, u can see the look in the children's eyes. Imagine repeating this over an over, children will get used to it and it will be a normal thing to beat their wives in the future.

DSB said...

dont blame women for accepting the abuse and not report. often she is needy to this man.there might be nowhere else to go for her and her kids. so its surviving needs.
as for those kids who watch the scene, its nothing to enjoy.
if its a girl, she will never forget those scenes,it will effect her when she grows up, she would refuse to be treated like that and would turn to more violance to protect herself.
if its a boy, it would cause a kind of chaos in him.not that he will act the same because he wants to, but it would soemhow replace natural feelings of love and kindness for his sister, wife or daughter with rudeness and violance, often if given a mind to think about, he wouldnt approve this violance.
if you want to stop the misery from going on, then you-or let me say educated ppl- should target the teenagers/children of now.
by educating them of the meaning of "real" manhood,by awareness, talking to them in a way that grabs their attention to listen to what u are saying.
it could be through masjid/church, or through simple interaction with those arround you.dont underestimate a word you say to someone. it could make a difference in someone's life.

R.'Eltayeb said...

.. and the misery goes on! :/

Shocking attitude? maybe! shocking percentage? possibly! But, what were you expected Mohaly from such society.. huh! :/ women in our country look better and more socially accepted when they are dangling from a man’s arm. and sometimes society deny us -girls- the right to choose and refuse. they always ask the same questions: why are you still single? Oh! that question hurt so much! or what is wrong with X or Y or Z ? uff! nothing wrong he is just not the right one for me.. marriage in the 21st century is one of the major problems. we ladies suffer! if the girl is not strong enough, she may accept the wrong man under her society’s pressure. ( especially if she failed to find any support or positive steps from the right one in her vision - if he exists ) and Voilà! here is her biggest mistake, to get married for the sake of getting married and she starts the dark road of the unhappy life with the wrong man...

Well, our parents love us. they only wish us a normal life. when depression and loneliness are shown up, they are just scared for us, so, I cant blame them. they cant give us solutions for not being lonely but marriage.

I totally agree with the above proverb “del ragel wala del 7eta” Yes. what is wrong in that? a woman doesnt ever feel complete without her man. what is difficult about asking for a man with who I can have endless conversations.. who will be faithful.. who will hold my hand as we watch TV.. who will make me feel like a queen.. who loves and appreciates me.. who cherishes my strength and respects my weakness.. The point is that we need to differentiate between the real man who is definitely better than a wall’shadow and the other who I cant call him a man aslan.

Now, how can we define “kawama” and who is the real man “elragol elkawam” - [who cherishes the woman and know that she is a blessing from Allah and who takes her as his partner but know that he is the leader.. the man she can trust and rely on.. the man who can be a role model for the kids..] - mech keda Mohaly? ya3ni he wont cause her any pain or hurt. he wont make her cry. he wont make her suffer! but where is he? where is the husband, the best friend, the teacher, the listener, the supporter, the confident . . . !

What made that worse that there are some women who think when a husband is beating her wife then, he is proving his love towards her! someone ( my friend’s dada ) once said: “ law madarbnich yeb2a mabey7ebenish! while some see that it is a part of the human being nature ( especially women ) to enjoy the pain - I once heard a very strange opinion from someone, that the more a woman feels the pain the more she feels the love !!! and she added, a mother loves her son only coz of the pain she has faced during the pregnancy period and afterwards. tab what if she was lucky and everything passed in peace? will she hate her son?

I hate the pain, and I believe that the one who truly loves and cherishes his woman would never causing her a pain by all its meanings ( physically or emotionally or psychologically ), otherwise, yeb2a he does not love her! and then he doesnt deserve her to stay with him.

amina said...

"otherwise, yeb2a he does not love her! and then he doesnt deserve her to stay with him"

Not always her choice!!

R.'Eltayeb said...

sorry amina, would u please explain coz I didnt get u :)

what can make her stay if she is treated badly? what can make her stay if she does not love him anymore? what can make her stay if he doesnt care about her? u mean the kids and the moneywise o keda...
the worse than hunger or thirst is feeling unhappy in love and feeling that someone is treating her with cruelty - leih elzol da ya3ni, he is a man, nothing more nothing less! and she can find a work if this is the money issue that oblige her to bear such a sick incomplete man - if I may say so.
but if she is really mottarah (for a fatal reason), then she is in a very hard 2ebtela2 begad.

R.'Eltayeb said...

True Love Quote:

"You don't marry someone you can live with - you marry the person who you cannot live without. "


Mohaly said...

Why were almost all the comments long ones in this post :)

R.'Eltayeb said...

Interesting! 2al beating her 2al!


lao said...

The problem comes from our community and our traditions& believs.(WOMAN must not get devorced and live by her own) that means that she will do something wrong even if she can work and afford a place 2 live and also afford good living 2 her and her children,the community will not leave her do so.thats why she stays with the one who beats her and treats her badly,bec she has no other place 2 go and no other choices..poor we are:((

Mohaly said...

lel2saf yes :(

R.'Eltayeb said...

Lao, lady, we are not poor. we just need to learn how nenshaf 3ala nafsena, coz we are so emotional and sensitive. a woman is very precious. she is a gift, a blessing from Allah. and whomever doesnt understand this and doesnt cherish her, doesnt deserve her. and he is the loser. coz he doesnt value her [!!!] if I may say so, big toz fel nas who advise or oblige her to stay with an animal who beats or even hurt her emotionally. and if she still loves him after hurting her, yeb2a lel2asaf, for the 1st time in my life I must say:'toz fel 7obb'.

lao said...

may be u says so bec.u are not married yet but when u get married and have a baby u will be v.weak&poor(tab3an yarab apart 4m u to be so.) it will be a hard decision to leave ur husband and the father of this baby,also u will feel like u are(3eb2) on any person u can go to and live with even if its ur familly.WOMEN IN EGYPT ARE MAKSORY EL GENA7!!!