-------- "This is the time for action not only words, use your God given gifts to develop this country, dont be afraid to speak up, and feel PROUD THAT U R EGYPTIAN." -------- Mohaly, Feb 2011

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

246) Marriage in the 21st century!!

My friend Aly has written the following note, and I have commented below...I wanted to share it with you coz i see it worth discussing...

Since i get so many personal questions asking "why i didn't get married yet ?" , I decided to write this note. I am going to post my personal opinion about relations; anti opinions are most welcomed. A reminder that is just a general opinion nothing personal for me or any of my friends !!! To start with, nowadays, many relations end up to be unsuccessful either before marriage or after. No offense, in most of the cases i feel the blame comes from the girl's side. I would classify girls into four different categories:1) Girls that are after money rather than real love although they are already living in a good standard (for me those r z cheapest kind) ....the main concern of that kind of girls is to marry a rich guy that could provide a nice comfortable life. That kind of girl tries to trap a rich guy to marry her , and on the other hand , the rich guy tries to trap her for SEX .......the relation is clear : he puts money to get what he wants and she tries hard not to give him what he wants until after marriage .......but where is z love .....not found of course !!! If he succeed in getting what he wants z relations ends up in a short period; however, if she succeeds the relation ends up after marriage which is more disaster. The end result is well expected because the relation was built on wrong basis from z beginning ( such relations are good example of prostitution on a higher level ) the guy thinks about it with a total sexual perspective……..I want her for sex if I can’t have her before than I will after ……..the girl thinks about it in a financial perspective……..I want a nice comfortable secure life with a rich guy …….no darling that is a false secure life !!!! P.S. Girls of that kind have a very demanding personality 2) Girls that have a main aim to just get married to a nice guy to have family. In that case, girls look for marriage regardless of love ……that kind of girls are mainly the non outgoing ones ……mostly they get married through arranged family or friends gathering …… I believe that is a 50 : 50 kind of marriage because normally it takes almost a year or year and half in an engagement process and stuff like that ……they don’t get to know each other well enough !!! As early mentioned, girls that are non outgoing or girls that are in the late 20s and early thirties tend to use this way. Again, here love is not a main factor; so successful marriage is not fully guaranteed as well!!! 3) Here comes the third kind …..this kind holds the majority of the high level society …..girls who r really well educated, smart, represent able and good looking ; they are really good fish to catch but their main problem is they think they r too good!!! This kind of girls look for fun and if love comes through the way it is ok if not then life is all about fun fun fun !!! That kind of girls are the outgoing ones with loads of life experience since they get too many guys around who try to approach …….the problem is they start to like it that way …….no commitment, guys are trying to approach, having fun life ..so why bother to be committed to just one guy unless he is too good ………and since the girl thinks she is already too good then it is too hard for her to see that too good guy as well although many of them are around !!! Girls in that case wait wait wait until they reach the thirties and then shift to case 2 (arranged marriage) ……Later on , they discover that they already lost good opportunities of good guys when the girl was in the mid twenties !!!4) The final category is the moderate girls which are very rare to find these days ……that kind of girls are similar to the ones in Case 3 except for the fact that if a guy takes a step or a couple of steps forward and they find out that he is a nice guy ….they also tend to give a chance to know z guy ……in other words, they move a step forward as well…….this kind of girls when they love someone they truly love …….That kind of girls are mostly found in south Europe …..also u can find them here in Egypt but they are not that much !!! For that kind of girls, as long as love exists and the guy is good in bed ……..and life is going smooth then they r really satisfied and thankful !!! they truly know the meaning of a man cuz z relation was based on love to start with !!! ……..My advise to Case 3 try to think positive before it is too late …..Hope it was not a boring note and as I mentioned earlier it is just about opinions …..ofcourse there is problems in guys as well !!! I would try to post it in another note later on ………to all my friends feel free to post yr opinions :)

My comment:
oh...i guess marriage in the 21st century is one of the major problems...it is unfair to categorize girls without counter categorization of guys who are moderate, greedy, just fooling around....etc as well.
I see marriage is a partnership that should be based on a common vision even if the partners follow different approaches. I mean if we both see the same mission, goals, and values in our marriage and the result of our union is bigger than the sum of each of us alone, then we are a perfect match even if we have different ways of reaching the goals, it is actually even better to have these differences to enrich the relation.
Whether you are a guy or a girl, the biggest mistake is to get married for the sake of getting married...u wont be able to sustain the marriage at one point or another coz u dont have the driving vision.
I am really longing to start a family, but if i dont find the right girl who share with me my vision and values, then i will not get married!


nourita said...

"am really longing to start a family, but if i dont find the right girl who share with me my vision and values, then i will not get married!"

i like the conclusion !

Anonymous said...

يترسخ عندي اعتقاد أننا نعيش في عوالم مختلفة من الجامعة الأمريكية للجامعات الحكومية للغلابة والمساكين الذين لم ينالوا أي قسط من التعليم عندما قرأت هذا الموضوع وجدت أننا مختلفون كل الاختلاف عن بعضنا البعض ولي رد مطول على أشياء كثيرة ولكن خلاصة القول ونقطة ارتكازنا جميعا من أعلى الطبقات الى أقلها النقطة التي يجب أن نلتقي جميعا عندها نقطة ارتكازنا العقلي والروحي الإســلام نعم الاسلام أليس كذلك شرع الزواج للعفة والتكاثر والألفة والمودة والرحمة سيدنا عمر قال يوما " أقل البيوت ما يبنى على الحب " عزيزي صاحب المدونة وصاحب صاحب المدونة شباب مصر تزوجوا اقتدوا برسول الله أين أنتم من كلام الحبيب المصطفى عندما قال ما معناه من يملك القليل فليتزوج وأنتم تنتظرون الحب .. الحب أكذوبة .. المودة والرحمة والسكينة أهم نعم هناك حب ولكنه ليس أصل التشريع في الزواج .. أعزائي العنوسة رجل وامرأة والعقم رجل وامرأة والوحدة رجل وامرأة ..الزواج شركة عملاقة تتوسع بالأبناء والأحفاد وترقى بحسن التربية .. أما فيما يخص أنواع البنات ونظرتهن للزواج أعتقد أنها مختلفة عن ذلك قليلا لا أعرف ولكني أجد كل انسان كبصمة بنانه لا تتكرر. كلمة أخيرة أعجبتني حوارات المدونة وحزنت لأنها لا تحوي لغة عربية الكل يكتب أفكاره وأحاسيسه ورؤاه بحروف أجنبية اجعلوها عربية خالصة لا تبتعدوا كثيرا عن هويتكم تمسكوا بها ان أردتم النجاح والتفرد .. أسأل الله لكم ولي التوفيق والسداد

Mohaly said...

Hi Nounta,

Thanks, I allowed myself to browse through ur interesting and very feminin blog :)

I liked your last post especially the section about marriage, the way your described the married women wisdom part, and the conclusion as well, which i -after ur permission- is sharing below:

""It would be great if it happen, in the meantime I refuse the pending status
’m idealist""

ME said...

Before i comment on your friend's note i must say " Chapeau" to your comment on his note, it's really analytical and rational, and i too like Nourita, not only like, but i appreciate the last few lines you wrote.
i don't believe in categorizing people altogether, whether guys or girls, i bellieve we're all the same coz simply we're all human beings with the same needs and urges and plans for life, what may slightly differ is the way we approach life or express ourselves through it.
to your friend: even the girls who wants to get married for the sake of marriage only don't throw themselves on guys in the street to get married, and not all arranged marriages have failed.... i appreciate what you said, Mohamed, coz marriage IS a prtnership, and it takes TWO people to succeed or fail, it takes TWO people's decisions to get married. I appreciate your comment also coz i totally agree with you that unless i find my partner who we'd share every single aspect of life- present and future- and we work on it together then i shouldn't get married, it's not only love that makes a couple succeed in their marriage; it's understanding and partnership, for how many love stories parrished after marriage coz it wasn't well buil on common vision/dreams/mission in life.... sorry for the very long comment, but i still have a lot to say.
to Mr. Anonymous, it's us who see ourselves different than others.. what's so different about us and AUCians? (which i'm not one of them btw) but still they're human beings same as we are!! الشراكة تولدها المودة و الرحمة و العكس صحيح وكما ذكرت سابقاً ليست كل قصص الحب تكلل بالنجاح ولكن ليس من الضرورى ان يصاغ الكلام من وجهة نظر اسلامية ولا دينية محددة .. اغلب ظنى اننا جميعا نتكلم عن الزواج من منظور اجتماعى انسانى نعنى به ما أراده لنا الله و ما حثنا عليه الرسول ولكن بصياغة اجتماعية لا أكثر ولا أقل .. فقط قليل من تقبل وجهات النظر الأخرى التى تدخل تحت تعليمات الله و لكن بصياغة البشر .. وعلى فكرة انا مسلمة لكن شايفة ان مش لازم كل الكلام وكل النقاشات لازم تاخد طابع خطابى و اسلامى ايه اللى هيجرى لما نقول ان الزواج شراكة راسمالها المودة و الرحمة - اللى هو يعنى المقصود من كل الكلام اللى اتقال فى الآخر
every one can do so by only keeping an open mind and a really seeing eye.
sorry again Mohamed for this, but el kalam kan wa2ef fe zorry :D and i had to say it :)) thnx

Mohaly said...


1) Yes there is a difference in the AUC and other universities worlds but believe me we share the same major problems in one way or another, we are just looking at it from different angles.

2) I didnt say I dont wanna get married or I am waiting for love. I said I will not get married just for the sake of it because it will be like starting a company without a feasbility study where high risk of failure is involved. I am just looking for the woman that I can INTEGRATE with (i.e compelete each other within the same overall vision), and love will come accordingly.

3) I really liked what you said that every man or woman is a unique fingerprint.

4) I write in English not because I dont like Arabic, on the contrary Arabic is one of the most beautiful and rich languages but the reasons are:
- English is the language I use in writing, studying, working, and even internet, so much easier to have my blog in English.
- Some stuff (epecially business/management) I even think about it in English, so it is easier to just get it out.
- For safety reasons, it is better to write the political stuff in English.
- Finally, my laptop screws up everytime I install Arabic.

5) Hope to read more of your valuable comments in-shaa-Allah.

Mohaly said...

NOURITA not Nounta....sorry for the spelling mistake :)

ME ... Say as much as you want...this is a free blog, and it was a valuable comment :)

you know, stuff like facebook and blogs get you in touch with many people who can support you against the family and society pressure...people who have some common stuff and interests.. but the thing I hate most that --although I like what NOURITA and ME, and others wrote -- I dont know anything about them, and it irritates me coz I like to get to know people who respect and add to each other opinions :)

Anyway, I hope to always see you as very welcomed guests on my blog :)

Mayan said...

It takes two to tango...

nourita said...

Thanks for your visit and for your valuable advice.
i have been through most of your blog sections, I really enjoyed reading most of them ,I particularly appreciated the section abt time management. Personally I adopted some of the recommended rules, especially the five min rule!

Mohaly said...

Thanks Nourita, and it seems that you really went through it all :)

Yeah time management is my main specialization, and let me know if you need any help with it, i already left u my email on ur blog.

P.S. we can link our blogs as well to max. exposure to our audience.

شيماء زاهر said...

Well,I actually thought long about the four categories and whether they are vaild or not, but could not actually make my mind.

May be "outgoing" on which he based his classification is a relative thing and it differs from one family to the other.

But as I see it, it is somtimes fear of getting into a relationship and failing, whether it's a man or a woman.

And s.times I feel that moderate people are becoming less in Egypt, so u v people who are becoming either more liberal or more comservative and along with these gaps relationships became complicated. That's all 4 me and wish u a nice day.

Mohaly said...

I cant agree more with the following part of your comment... that is very true", at least for me.

"But as I see it, it is somtimes fear of getting into a relationship and failing, whether it's a man or a woman.

And s.times I feel that moderate people are becoming less in Egypt, so u v people who are becoming either more liberal or more comservative and along with these gaps relationships became complicated. That's all 4 me and wish u a nice day."

H.A.W. said...

tayeb, the question to males and femals as well:
would you go for a divorce or keep a miserable marriage?
would you sacrifice your happiness for your kids' sake, or anyone believes that you cant "care" enough, if you are continiously unhappy?
would you follow the mothers adivse of "ahy 3isha welsalam" or follow your own rules and try to grab rest of your life in your hand, and enough lost?????