826) In Love & Respect ..!

Which is most needed Love or Respect ... If you have 2 choices only; would you live with someone who loves you but doesn't respect you enough, or someone who loves you but doesn't love you enough?


Dr. Emerson Eggerichs says: "We believe love best motivates a woman and respect most powerfully motivates a man. Research reveals that during marital conflict a husband most often reacts when feeling disrespected and a wife reacts when feeling unloved.  We asked 7,000 people this question: when you are in a conflict with your spouse or significant other, do you feel unloved or disrespected?  83% of the men said "disrespected."  72% of the women said, "unloved."  Though we all need love and respect equally, the felt need differs during conflict, and this difference is as different as pink is from blue!"


I personally if I cant have both as much, then I would choose Respect over love, as love can't stand for feeling disrespected (and that is a relative word from one person to another). If I don't feel respected, I can't even express love and care. 


What about you?


Mohaly

793) This is Your Life !

I wonder why people just can't - really can't- leave people alone or stop being nosy to unbearable extent.


I remember I have read a email saying "If you are single, they ask about a fiancé.When you have a fiancé,they ask for a wedding. When you get married,they ask for children.Once you have one,they ask for another.if u get divorced,they ask why.If you try to start Your life again,they ask why so quickly."


People never like what you do, and you can live your life only once, so you'd better live your own experience with all its ups and downs.
Mohaly

785) Sexual Compatibility & Marriage !

When people get married in Egypt and the Arab World in general, they usually try to know everything about each other and their families, and in pre-arranged marriages, they may even have lists to ask each other to make sure that they are compatible. 

What I am wondering about is how do they know that they are sexually compatible, and do they discuss that or not since it is one of the critical issues in marriage that can lead to its falling apart.

I am also wondering about men in this part of the world who insist that they are perfect and even give us a headache about how great they are in bed, and how many women are on their agenda, while their wives may be complaining about their performance. Do some men think that they know how to please women while they really just make them feel frustrated and sometimes humiliated?

Before someone thinks that I am calling for pre-marital sex, I am not calling for anything, I am just wondering how can you make sure that you are marrying the right person on different levels.

Mohaly

778) E3terafat Mohaly 6: Ana Manfa3sh 3arees !!!

Before your mind takes you to any other meaning ... I am fine, and my health is great thank God, we kolo tamam ... ya3ni Strauss El Ganzabeel ;)
I am sorry in advance for being too personal here, but as you know this series of "E3terafat Mohaly" can be nothing but personal.

So What am I talking about here? 
Some of my friends in different situations were discussing that "You can make a good "3arees"! Actually my reply was: I will not be able to fill the vacant position of "3arees" for a woman!! I am not applying and wont be applying for such position even if I proposed to a woman and married her as well. Why? because I dont wanna fill any structured position in life whether professional or personal, but I want to fill a gap, a real need for a life time best friend who happens to be her husband as well.

For a woman who is really looking for "3arees" position, I can be of a great disappointment. How come?
1) If she is looking for positions, titles, or certificates: I may have that now, but I am planning to leave it all and start over from scratch one day as I did before once I feel that I have given all what I have in such position or title.
2) If she is looking for stability: I have been settled in Cairo for years (and sometimes Hurghada), but not planning to stay there on the long term ... I gotta move to the seashore and start my cultural project there.
3) If she is looking for materialistic stuff: Year after year I am planning to have more public work/service which means more percentage of my time will go on volunteer basis (unpaid).
4) If she is looking for connections:  Once I leave my positions, I am sure more than half of the connections will be gone. That is life, and that is people.
5) If she is only physically attracted: I change every couple of years, lose & add weight, lose & add muscles, (I wish can say I can add more height), have or lose hair or goatee...etc. I am a Mutant man !
But if she is looking for me as a person, who I am, my thoughts, ideas, believes, without the titles, possessions, certifications, looking directly at my heart, my CORE, and likes it, then she has guaranteed a consistent life-time friend and partner who can happily hold the title "husband" & hopefully "father" as well.

I am someone who is looking at life from an overall perspective, and knows what I wanna do today and tomorrow. Someone who is straight forward and values freedom more than anything in the world (read my articles). If she likes that, and realizes it as well, then she is welcomed to my world .. she is my long waited for partner.


I am NOT looking for a "bride", I am looking for my best friend for the rest of my life.

Mohaly

P.S. Please save me the famous quote "u will never get married".

الحياة بدون المرأة موحشة ... و بدون الزواج منعشة !!

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746) About Love & Cheating !

What is Love? and why does cheating happen?
Interesting Analysis (keeping in mind cultural differences) that I am sharing with you to discuss.



Mohaly

740) The Manslator !!

My 100th and Last post this year will be about relationships, I am writing it while I am alone in the middle of the desert. I will share with you a video about a great device that if invented in real will really result in real World Peace, at least Domestic World Peace. I'd pay up to $10000 for such device.



Wishing you all a happy new year and more understanding without the need for aiding devices!

Mohaly

Signing Off 2010.

734) E3terafat Mohaly Part 4::: Noor aka Tooti !!!

I didnt know people can experience heart breaking in different forms other than the typical man-woman relationship.

After more than 4 months of experiencing fatherhood with my lovely niece "Noor", she left back to Jeddah a week ago. I feel awful, awkward, and hollow. Living with her made me feel that I have something much bigger than career to live for.. everyday I used to finish my work as early as possible to comeback and have my prize.. 1 or 2 hours of playing, laughter, even crying and fighting.. 

I even miss the days that I worked from home and lost a lot of time for babysitting her, but was enjoying wasting my time for the first time... I miss the minute she wakes up and asks for food especially if were alone at home and I go and prepare food for her (sometimes I mix up completely wrong ingredients, but it worked). I miss that every single thing I eat or drink, she had to come running and ask for a bite or a sip. I miss buying her stuff that makes her happy and teaching her new tricks (that can drive her mum crazy sometimes) -see the picture to the left for her wearing H-dabbour wig-.

I even miss watching very silly stuff on TV that makes her happy, I even memorized songs that I hate but make her smile.

I have always loved and adored children, but living with one is an experience that you are not the same person after it ends. I will be counting the days & hours till she comes on a short visit (hopefully in 1500 hours).

Please God, help me make the right choice and marry a lovely woman and have lovely kids like Noor.

God Bless all our children :))

Mohaly

732) Communicate before it is too late !

Communication is THE most important aspect in the success or failure of any relationship. It is a real pity when both parties like each other and they have to break up because they can't smoothly communicate. It is not an easy decision but it is inevitable.

Please don't ruin your relationship with lack or mis-communication.

Mohaly 

727) House Wife ... Get a Life !

I wonder why do some women consider their husbands literally everything in their lives. Their whole life starts and ends with and at their men! I am not against house-wives but against the woman who doesn't have anything in her life but her man..

I think the wife should share, help, please... her man, but she should have her own activities (other than house duties) whether as at work or just for fun. I think this is even better for the man who will not be taking her for granted, and it will boost her self-confidence.

One of my female friends was telling me that she has to be involved in everything in her husband's life so that he wont be used to doing anything alone!!! Why, this makes men trapped and gets an opposite effect.

To all house-wives... Would you get a life?

What do you think?

Mohaly

706) Personal ::: Aslaha Betefre2 .. Lel2asaf !

For the last couple of weeks, the lyrics of Amr Diab's new single song Alsaha Betefre2 (It Makes such a difference) is sooooo much nagging into my mind... The song is about the need and difference made by the presence of a woman in a man's life. The last words I just cant forget...

Aslaha betefre2 men wa7da lewa7da
(it makes a difference from a woman to another) 
Fe Wa7hda betensaha bewa7da
(there is a woman whom you forget through another woman)
we Fe Wa7da Mabtetnseeh...
(and there is a woman whom you can't ever forget)

What happened to me, I thought I have passed this stage and deep need... It seems that I was fooling myself...mennak lelah ya Amr Diab!

Mohaly
(In Romantic Mode)

683) The EyeBrow Divorce!

This is about a woman in Saudi Arabia who got divorced because she insisted to trim her eyebrow!

I just can't believe it!!!!!

سعودية تطلب الطلاق بسبب فتوى تحريم (تهذيب الحواجب)

القاهرة - قرر زوجان في المدينة المنورة الانفصال عن بعضهما عقب 3 أعوام من الارتباط، إثر خلاف فقهي نشب بينهما، تمحور حول نتف الحواجب أو ما يعرف ب"النمص".
وذكرت صحيفة "عكاظ" الأحد أن الزوجة تقدمت بطلب طلاق إلى المحكمة، عندما فشلت محاولاتها في إقناع زوجها برأي بعض العلماء، الذين أباحوا "نمص الحواجب"، فيما كان الزوج متمسكا برأي آخر معارض لها.
من جهتها، حولت المحكمة العامة في المدينة المنورة القضية إلى مجلس صلح لتقريب وجهات نظر الزوجين، بيد أن كل طرف تمسك برأيه، ما أدى إلى إنهاء العلاقة الزوجية وحصول الزوجة على صك الطلاق.

681) E3terafat Mohaly - Part 4 !

I did hurt some people by my words. It was my only way out to get out of the feeling of being trapped, but it shouldn't be done on the expense of their feelings.

Girls, I AM SORRY, and I do apologize in public.

Mohaly

672) No Hard Feelings - Episode 4 - Hunters!

Nerro seems frustrated from the fact that quite a considerable number of men do get bored from "what you see is what you get" women...

Actually it is true, the men who act like that are not few. On the personal level I can't tell why because I don't like surprizes even good ones, so what you see is what you get is great for me. So I went on doing some research about it.

Many men -by nature- tend to hunt and win. This kind of men tend to get bored easily when they don't see any challenge if they are not hunting the woman and winning her. Hence, when what they see is what they lose interest and get bored. They want to dig, know, and even surprize the woman.

Some women on the other hand don't leave any room for imagination or creativty coz they are too practical, and many men don't like that as they feel that it is their role to act practically (walahi mafeesh a7san men el set el practical fe nazari; I see that practical women are the best).

What to do in that case?

When you are considering a man of this kind. Try not to reveal everything, give him the info bit by bit, let him discover some himself; fulfil the inner victory that he feels. However, if you reached a point where you feel that you are not yourself anymore, then this is not the right man for you, and believe me he won't even feel or appreciate that in the future.

Just a final word here for all the hunters out there: "The woman who is known only through a man is known wrong." Henry Adams.

Next Sunday: Lao's HOT question "why do men have such a hot and warm emotions before marriage and after marriage he becomes a robot."?

668) No Hard Feelings -Eps.3- Men Buttons!

Back to Engy's query about men and buttons & how may they say something they don't mean or do...!

In my opinion, the problem ya Engy is that many men want to have everything in one women. They do ignore some stuff at the begining (when passion or lust is in the air), then once they feel they have it all, they start looking back for the missing stuff. At this point they may say stuff that they really don't feel or mean; i.e. push the "acting button".

Men have many buttons, the most common are:

"Career Button": Unless you will give support, care, and respect, don't even think to mess with this button.

"Food Button": I don't know why do married men get so interested in food, but this button can be easily controlled with understanding his taste and matching it with your capabilities.

"Sex Button": Handle with care. Men look at sex differently, it is more of a need than a passion. So if you are not pressing the right buttons at the right time, the animal inside him will come out and be un-controllable.

"Hobbies Button": Football or other. This can be controlled by giving him sometime off to do it, and trying to share it with him from time to time (and keep an eye as well ;).

Other buttons depends on the personality of the man and lifestyle. In all cases, note by hard the real priorities of your man, and you set the right strategy to control all the buttons. BUT TAKE CARE, he has to feel that he is the one controlling, even if he really isn't ;)

M.o.h.a.l.y.

Next Sunday: Nerro's question about "what you see is what you get" and its boredom..

663) No Hard Feelings -Eps.2- Friendship II !

Today we continue talking about Friendship between Men and Women focusing on signs and how to deal with it..

According to the classification made in post 659, you should be dealing with signs as follows:

1) Potential Lover (love, girlfriend, wife...etc): The guy will always give signals of wanting more than friendship (e.g. showing how much stuff you have in common, exaggerated interest in stuff that arent usually of his interest, long pointless looks, extra nice words, giving u priority over important stuff, or even treating u with aggression...etc). In such case (& if u r interested), don't give explicit signs of interest unless he gave you explicit signs, and don't say it bluntly unless he does, keep on the safe side. If you are a risk taker, then you can give the signs, but be aware that some men (actually many of them) like to make the 1st move (p.s. i am not one of them, i personally don't care who starts).

2) Wanna Sleep with (sex friend, slut,...etc). That is the easiest.. gestures, words, signs are too obvious. For those who know it, use it.. for el 2otat el meghamada, I wont be ur eye opener here ;)

3) Secrets Keeper and Eye Opener (real friend, mutual benefit, his guide in other sex's world). Usually the guy here is cautious at the begining and he gives conservative signs of interest of being together but within formal framework. Ya3ni, for example, if he likes cultural stuff, he may ask you to join him in a cultural event, and most prob. he will be inviting others too. In the outing, he will always be talking about the event and not about you. When he start feeling that you are categorizing him in the same category, he will open up and talk freely about himself without any confusing signs. May be this will develop into love signs later, but at that time, you will be knowing toooo much about him that u will know 3alatoool.

4) Red Lighter (don’t even think, trouble becomes her!) .. Hmm, this is an easy one like no.2, he will always try to not be present or around for a long time. He will also have very short and formal way of communications. He will never initiate an outing or something that make you come closer. If you are not interested, then you just let it go. If you want to show him that he is exaggerating, you need to take slow and easy, and prove -practically- that you are not the one he thinks you are. But you need to understand him first to know how can you have the right approach.

5) Good to know, without real knowledge of how to be classified now (postponed). This is as I said the most confusing. He will give all signs of interest and disinterest, intimacy and rejection. One day he asks you out, the other day he doesn't answer your communication. One day he get you gifts, the other day he ignores an appointment... He likes part of you but still cant take you as a package. He wants to change you to have the right complete picture in his head. Unless you are willing to change this is a dead-end relationship, give signs of rejection. If both of you are confused - 7aga te2ref- then take it slowly, and one step at a time. Don't think much till there is consistency in the relationship and try to be as transparent and honest as possible. El 7ekaya mesh na2sa tawahan!

So what I wanna say here is that there is no one size fits all. It all depends on the kind of communication you both have and how do you usually deal with the other gender. The above classification and tips are just a guide, but every relation has its own unique challenges as well.

Let me stop again & discuss, before getting into Engy's query in episode 3: Why men seem to have buttons? How come they have the ability to say and do things that they are not really feeling?

Mohaly

660) E3terafat Mohaly - Part 3!

Since I am talking about Friendship and mixed signs, it may be a good opportunity to send some messages and have a new part of "e3terafat mohaly"..

I admit that I have given mixed signs to the following, and I do apologize for any trouble I might have caused. But I swear that the minute I realized I caused confusion, I pulled out and made it clear that I don't wanna cause any more confusion.

W: I was very much interested in your case (personal problem) and wanted to help you. I am afraid that I crossed the friendship line when we started going out together regularly; it seems like dating, and I was the one supposed to make it more clear even though I never talked about "us" as a couple. The day you met me and told me you are confused, it was a slap on my face, and that is why I told you I should pull out, and that is what I did couple of days after this meeting. You are fun to be with and I do enjoy your company, but I don't wanna cause you any more confusion about "us", I don't think friendship can work here as it can cause more confusion.

B: The pure clean and great person who has feelings that can cover the world. I can't deny that I do really love the way you give support to your friends specially when they are down, but I always see you as my older sister, and I do really love you as a human being. Al Hamdullah that I was saying that I can't afford more than friendship since I started feeling your clean and pure feelings towards me. I am really interested in your friendship without having any hidden agendas. You are someone who I and others can't afford losing, but if you don't want it this way, I do respect your decision. You can be my Secret Keeper and Eye Opener and I can be your trusted friend as well, as it has to be a win-win.

R: I am sorry for the situation you have put yourself in. I was very clear that I dont do relations over the net with people I have never met. When you asked for my phone no. I refused, and inisted on keeping our communication online as I was not interested in developing this virtual friendship further than the online world. Sometimes I answered your facebook messages and emails and sometimes I didnt, when I answer it doesn’t mean I am in love, but it means that I just can't keep on ignoring you and my answers were short to the point. But I admit that this is my mistake as I should have been more assertive and block you so that I keep you away from the sad feelings that you passed through. But you have to know that your kind heart should be dedicated to real relations not virtual ones, specially if there is no solid interest from the other party.

Mohaly

P.S. I am sorry guys for disabling the comments for this post. It was an internal shout and a confession that had to be made so that it can reach them. If you have comments about the issue, the Previous, and Next episodes of No Hard Feelings are tackling the same issue but from a general scale, and you can have general comments there.

Howa ana leih daymen ba3taref in February last E3teraf kan in Feb 09 too!!!

659) No Hard Feelings - Eps. 1 - Friendship Part I !

Here we are ... I am starting and have no idea when this series will end, coz till now I have had the plot of 12 episodes in mind, and still more questions coming !! But as I said, I do take it seriously and I hope I can contribute in clearing part of the misunderstanding, but not all of it, coz I think part of the beauty of our relations is these differences and misunderstandings ;)

Friendship .. Why & When?
I will start with the most nagging question, actually the one I have -and still facing- its hell. Is there real friendship between men and women... can men and women just be friends without any hidden agendas? can this friendship last or is it a stage in life....?!!

Actually although the above questions are simple and straight to the point, the answer is VERY complicated...and subjective as well.

Let's start from the beginning of any 2 people knowing each other, what makes them friends?
hmmm. Usually -in my opinion supported by experts opinions- men have this inner classification system where consciously or unconsciously then classify women into:
1) Potential Lover (love, girlfriend, wife...etc)
2) Wanna Sleep with (sex friend, slut,...etc)
3) Secrets Keeper and Eye Opener (real friend, mutual benefit, his guide in other sex's world)
4) Red Lighter (don’t even think, trouble becomes her!)
5) and good to know, without real knowledge of how to be classified now (postponed)

So it all depends on how she is classified from the beginning.
1) Potential Lover: Friendship is a stage to get closer, it either leads to more intimate relation or getting her out of his life. It is very hard to continue as friends here as he will always give you signs of wanting more than being your friend, and it is hard to take it back.
2) Wanna Sleep with :) when I was studying in Los Angeles in the 90s, they used call it "Friends with Benefits" so it is friends afterall .. heheh. I don't think I need to elaborate here, signs are usually blunt from both sides, wala eih ;)
3) Secrets Keeper and Eye Opener: This is the real friendship.. Usually the girl here doesn’t fit the criteria of 1 & 2, and has good mind too, so there is real interest of pure friendship.. however, if this friendship turned out to be love someday, it becomes a very good one coz -in my opinion- love based on friendship is much more durable than love based on feelings only. So signs here are genunie and cant be confused, even if it turned out to be something more, you will be in a stage that you do understand each other without even talking.
4) Red Lighter: He is afraid of getting near hear for one reason or another, so all the signs here will be signs of rejection or over respect, he will be sure not to give any mixed signs. Howa mesh 2adik ;)
5) The good to know has a big share of the mixed feelings, and actually this is the category where the guy himself is confused and can't afford but to give mixed signs, ... it may drive the girl nuts begad!

So what I wanna say is, in order to understand the bigger picture and be able to deal with the signs, you need to figure out how does he think/categorize.. but since this topic is really wide, I will dedicate the next episode for it as well (how to deal the mixed signals), but let's stop here and have some discussion about these stages before going into the 2nd part of "Friendship".

Mohaly

658) FUN ::: 7abbak Bors !

Before we say goodbye to the Valentine's Week, I want to share this with you:

His Banner: Mai, Forgive me please. I sware to God that I love you.

Her Banner: 7abbak Bors !!

Comments please ..

(ya ret law feh explanation kaman in the comments)

Mohaly

656) No Hard Feelings - Series Intro !

It is the Valentine's Week again ... last year I have dedicated a whole week of posts for it, and some of you have written about this coverage in their blogs and online magazines.

This year, allow me to interrupt "The Vision" series with a new series that will go in parallel: "No Hard Feelings". This series is mainly dedicated for the signs that men give women and how to understand it right, the problems that arise from mis-understanding, and false assumptions made by women in reading men... I think that the best time to launch the series is while people celebrating the Love festival; the Valentine's ;)

Women -in general- have their own dictionary about men; unfortunately, this dictionary is always written and developed by women. In order to understand a man, you need to know it from a man not a woman, no matter how much this woman know men. You can consider this series -along with "What Men Want" that I have written in Summer 2008- a quick key to better understanding of men.

Men and Women do a big mistake by insisting on evaluating and interrupting each others actions and words with their own perceptions. This ends up in positioning the relation between them as a racing competition rather than an integration. Such noise created by the competition blocks their vision, and make them fail to realize that in a competition there should be a winner and a loser. However, men and women relations can't afford a loser; and hence, both of them will lose on the long term. We can't just keep competing, WE WILL BOTH LOSE.

So before going into this series' episodes, I want you to list what are the stuff that you need me to cover in this series; hence, I can take it into consideration in the rest of episodes. This is not for female audience only, I need men to tell me as well what they want to make it more clear to women to have better understanding and relations..

P.S. This may open the floor for quarrles, so please accept each other's opinions.

... For all the single ladies reading or following my blog ... Happy Valentine's!

xoxoxo ;)

Mohaly

636) Knowing What Women Want ... Hmm !

Do you remember the romantic comedy "What Women Want" production of 2000, starring Mel Gibson, and Helen Hunt?

I was just wondering:

1. Will it be a blessing or a curse for a guy to hear what is inside women's mind?

2. Will women be happy about finding a guy who finally understands them, or they rather enjoy the mutual mystery with all its painful mis-communication and mis-understanding problems?

Mohaly