747) Mohaly ::: Round Thirty Six !

My birthday this year comes in a "mon3ataf tareekhy" in my life -and in our beloved Egypt as well - while facing many challenges in being myself again, riding through many disappointments on the personal level and making use of many achievements on the professional level.

My wishes this year are mainly to be forgiven... 

First and most important... I am seeking forgiveness from Allah, I feel and know that I wasn't really a good Muslim during the past period. I do really seek His mercy and forgiveness, and His help in being a better person.. I really want this more than anything in the world now.

Second ... I am seeking forgiveness from my old & gold friends whom I wasn't really giving the appropriate time and care as I should be. I was completely focusing on my career, but now I promise them I will be there for them.

Third ... I am seeking forgiveness from all those whom I had un-intentionality hurt or caused them any pain. I never planned to do that, and I am not perfect, and will never be.

Fourth ... I hope that I can forgive those who really caused me pain whether they intended to or not. There are some scars inside me, but I know it can be healed with time.

Other than forgiveness .. I wish to keep and build on the success I had in my career, AND asking God to help me find -this year- my life partner, someone who can really understand me and feel me, and vice-versa. Someone who is looking to construct not distruct. Someone serious enough to know what is marriage, and loose enough to know how to enjoy life.

I wish that God will bless Egypt as well, and to remember this date as a date that we will always be proud of....a date for breaking our fear and starting change from within. We have waited so long for this date, and it is about time to solidify together to achieve our goals of a having a better Egypt.

Sorry for the long wishes, but I like sharing with you. This blog has become a second home to me, and you do really support me more than you can imagine.

Mohaly


"My Mama always said you've got to put the past behind you before you can move on" Forrest Gump

Note: "No Hard Feelings" Series Suspension

Dear Readers, I missed you. I am very sorry but I will have to stop the "No Hard feelings" series till further notice. This is not a cancellation of the series, but just postponement in order to be capable to have something valuable to add. I hope it wont be for long. The other series "The Vision" is continuing with Episode 9 this week.
Thank You for understanding,
Mohaly

674) No Hard Feelings - Ep.5 - Men Don't Change!

This Episode is tackling LAO's question of Why do men change after marriage..

1) Actually men don't change after marriage. It is your perception that do change.

Before marriage, you don't live together 24 hours a day. You can't see all the sides of the man's personality

During the time you spend together, they present the best side of themselves in front of each other.Before marriage, there is just this physical attraction. You may know your partner significantly well but not good enough to know his dark side, if not his ugliest side.

2) Some men take their wives for granted (he has already won the hunting competition, and you is his khalas). They used their weapons (even sweet ones), then they just let it all out after they have officially become husband and wife.

I have once read an article about what to do right after marriage: "After every wedding comes a marriage. With marriage, couples need to learn another set of soft skills like giving respect and managing expectations to sustain their marriage."

Life after marriage is going to be very different, whether you like it or not.

"Marriage is hard enough without bringing unrealistic expectations into it. People don't change just because they say I do in their marriage vows and their partners shouldn't expect them to."

What I wanna say here is that you should SET your expectations right. Expect that he will do 50% of what he is doing before marriage, if you are fine with that, then go for it, but don't be fool and expect that he is exactly the same person that you have known before. However, life has a good side too, sometimes you realize some good stuff that you haven't seen in him before too. So, if you live each day of your marriage with realistic expectation, there are actually many good things you can look forward each day.

Mohaly

Next Sunday: Off (not sure I will have access in an abroad trip).

Following Sunday: Men hiding in their Caves!

672) No Hard Feelings - Episode 4 - Hunters!

Nerro seems frustrated from the fact that quite a considerable number of men do get bored from "what you see is what you get" women...

Actually it is true, the men who act like that are not few. On the personal level I can't tell why because I don't like surprizes even good ones, so what you see is what you get is great for me. So I went on doing some research about it.

Many men -by nature- tend to hunt and win. This kind of men tend to get bored easily when they don't see any challenge if they are not hunting the woman and winning her. Hence, when what they see is what they lose interest and get bored. They want to dig, know, and even surprize the woman.

Some women on the other hand don't leave any room for imagination or creativty coz they are too practical, and many men don't like that as they feel that it is their role to act practically (walahi mafeesh a7san men el set el practical fe nazari; I see that practical women are the best).

What to do in that case?

When you are considering a man of this kind. Try not to reveal everything, give him the info bit by bit, let him discover some himself; fulfil the inner victory that he feels. However, if you reached a point where you feel that you are not yourself anymore, then this is not the right man for you, and believe me he won't even feel or appreciate that in the future.

Just a final word here for all the hunters out there: "The woman who is known only through a man is known wrong." Henry Adams.

Next Sunday: Lao's HOT question "why do men have such a hot and warm emotions before marriage and after marriage he becomes a robot."?

668) No Hard Feelings -Eps.3- Men Buttons!

Back to Engy's query about men and buttons & how may they say something they don't mean or do...!

In my opinion, the problem ya Engy is that many men want to have everything in one women. They do ignore some stuff at the begining (when passion or lust is in the air), then once they feel they have it all, they start looking back for the missing stuff. At this point they may say stuff that they really don't feel or mean; i.e. push the "acting button".

Men have many buttons, the most common are:

"Career Button": Unless you will give support, care, and respect, don't even think to mess with this button.

"Food Button": I don't know why do married men get so interested in food, but this button can be easily controlled with understanding his taste and matching it with your capabilities.

"Sex Button": Handle with care. Men look at sex differently, it is more of a need than a passion. So if you are not pressing the right buttons at the right time, the animal inside him will come out and be un-controllable.

"Hobbies Button": Football or other. This can be controlled by giving him sometime off to do it, and trying to share it with him from time to time (and keep an eye as well ;).

Other buttons depends on the personality of the man and lifestyle. In all cases, note by hard the real priorities of your man, and you set the right strategy to control all the buttons. BUT TAKE CARE, he has to feel that he is the one controlling, even if he really isn't ;)

M.o.h.a.l.y.

Next Sunday: Nerro's question about "what you see is what you get" and its boredom..

663) No Hard Feelings -Eps.2- Friendship II !

Today we continue talking about Friendship between Men and Women focusing on signs and how to deal with it..

According to the classification made in post 659, you should be dealing with signs as follows:

1) Potential Lover (love, girlfriend, wife...etc): The guy will always give signals of wanting more than friendship (e.g. showing how much stuff you have in common, exaggerated interest in stuff that arent usually of his interest, long pointless looks, extra nice words, giving u priority over important stuff, or even treating u with aggression...etc). In such case (& if u r interested), don't give explicit signs of interest unless he gave you explicit signs, and don't say it bluntly unless he does, keep on the safe side. If you are a risk taker, then you can give the signs, but be aware that some men (actually many of them) like to make the 1st move (p.s. i am not one of them, i personally don't care who starts).

2) Wanna Sleep with (sex friend, slut,...etc). That is the easiest.. gestures, words, signs are too obvious. For those who know it, use it.. for el 2otat el meghamada, I wont be ur eye opener here ;)

3) Secrets Keeper and Eye Opener (real friend, mutual benefit, his guide in other sex's world). Usually the guy here is cautious at the begining and he gives conservative signs of interest of being together but within formal framework. Ya3ni, for example, if he likes cultural stuff, he may ask you to join him in a cultural event, and most prob. he will be inviting others too. In the outing, he will always be talking about the event and not about you. When he start feeling that you are categorizing him in the same category, he will open up and talk freely about himself without any confusing signs. May be this will develop into love signs later, but at that time, you will be knowing toooo much about him that u will know 3alatoool.

4) Red Lighter (don’t even think, trouble becomes her!) .. Hmm, this is an easy one like no.2, he will always try to not be present or around for a long time. He will also have very short and formal way of communications. He will never initiate an outing or something that make you come closer. If you are not interested, then you just let it go. If you want to show him that he is exaggerating, you need to take slow and easy, and prove -practically- that you are not the one he thinks you are. But you need to understand him first to know how can you have the right approach.

5) Good to know, without real knowledge of how to be classified now (postponed). This is as I said the most confusing. He will give all signs of interest and disinterest, intimacy and rejection. One day he asks you out, the other day he doesn't answer your communication. One day he get you gifts, the other day he ignores an appointment... He likes part of you but still cant take you as a package. He wants to change you to have the right complete picture in his head. Unless you are willing to change this is a dead-end relationship, give signs of rejection. If both of you are confused - 7aga te2ref- then take it slowly, and one step at a time. Don't think much till there is consistency in the relationship and try to be as transparent and honest as possible. El 7ekaya mesh na2sa tawahan!

So what I wanna say here is that there is no one size fits all. It all depends on the kind of communication you both have and how do you usually deal with the other gender. The above classification and tips are just a guide, but every relation has its own unique challenges as well.

Let me stop again & discuss, before getting into Engy's query in episode 3: Why men seem to have buttons? How come they have the ability to say and do things that they are not really feeling?

Mohaly

659) No Hard Feelings - Eps. 1 - Friendship Part I !

Here we are ... I am starting and have no idea when this series will end, coz till now I have had the plot of 12 episodes in mind, and still more questions coming !! But as I said, I do take it seriously and I hope I can contribute in clearing part of the misunderstanding, but not all of it, coz I think part of the beauty of our relations is these differences and misunderstandings ;)

Friendship .. Why & When?
I will start with the most nagging question, actually the one I have -and still facing- its hell. Is there real friendship between men and women... can men and women just be friends without any hidden agendas? can this friendship last or is it a stage in life....?!!

Actually although the above questions are simple and straight to the point, the answer is VERY complicated...and subjective as well.

Let's start from the beginning of any 2 people knowing each other, what makes them friends?
hmmm. Usually -in my opinion supported by experts opinions- men have this inner classification system where consciously or unconsciously then classify women into:
1) Potential Lover (love, girlfriend, wife...etc)
2) Wanna Sleep with (sex friend, slut,...etc)
3) Secrets Keeper and Eye Opener (real friend, mutual benefit, his guide in other sex's world)
4) Red Lighter (don’t even think, trouble becomes her!)
5) and good to know, without real knowledge of how to be classified now (postponed)

So it all depends on how she is classified from the beginning.
1) Potential Lover: Friendship is a stage to get closer, it either leads to more intimate relation or getting her out of his life. It is very hard to continue as friends here as he will always give you signs of wanting more than being your friend, and it is hard to take it back.
2) Wanna Sleep with :) when I was studying in Los Angeles in the 90s, they used call it "Friends with Benefits" so it is friends afterall .. heheh. I don't think I need to elaborate here, signs are usually blunt from both sides, wala eih ;)
3) Secrets Keeper and Eye Opener: This is the real friendship.. Usually the girl here doesn’t fit the criteria of 1 & 2, and has good mind too, so there is real interest of pure friendship.. however, if this friendship turned out to be love someday, it becomes a very good one coz -in my opinion- love based on friendship is much more durable than love based on feelings only. So signs here are genunie and cant be confused, even if it turned out to be something more, you will be in a stage that you do understand each other without even talking.
4) Red Lighter: He is afraid of getting near hear for one reason or another, so all the signs here will be signs of rejection or over respect, he will be sure not to give any mixed signs. Howa mesh 2adik ;)
5) The good to know has a big share of the mixed feelings, and actually this is the category where the guy himself is confused and can't afford but to give mixed signs, ... it may drive the girl nuts begad!

So what I wanna say is, in order to understand the bigger picture and be able to deal with the signs, you need to figure out how does he think/categorize.. but since this topic is really wide, I will dedicate the next episode for it as well (how to deal the mixed signals), but let's stop here and have some discussion about these stages before going into the 2nd part of "Friendship".

Mohaly

656) No Hard Feelings - Series Intro !

It is the Valentine's Week again ... last year I have dedicated a whole week of posts for it, and some of you have written about this coverage in their blogs and online magazines.

This year, allow me to interrupt "The Vision" series with a new series that will go in parallel: "No Hard Feelings". This series is mainly dedicated for the signs that men give women and how to understand it right, the problems that arise from mis-understanding, and false assumptions made by women in reading men... I think that the best time to launch the series is while people celebrating the Love festival; the Valentine's ;)

Women -in general- have their own dictionary about men; unfortunately, this dictionary is always written and developed by women. In order to understand a man, you need to know it from a man not a woman, no matter how much this woman know men. You can consider this series -along with "What Men Want" that I have written in Summer 2008- a quick key to better understanding of men.

Men and Women do a big mistake by insisting on evaluating and interrupting each others actions and words with their own perceptions. This ends up in positioning the relation between them as a racing competition rather than an integration. Such noise created by the competition blocks their vision, and make them fail to realize that in a competition there should be a winner and a loser. However, men and women relations can't afford a loser; and hence, both of them will lose on the long term. We can't just keep competing, WE WILL BOTH LOSE.

So before going into this series' episodes, I want you to list what are the stuff that you need me to cover in this series; hence, I can take it into consideration in the rest of episodes. This is not for female audience only, I need men to tell me as well what they want to make it more clear to women to have better understanding and relations..

P.S. This may open the floor for quarrles, so please accept each other's opinions.

... For all the single ladies reading or following my blog ... Happy Valentine's!

xoxoxo ;)

Mohaly