If you like someone ... special kind of liking ... & you feel that you've mutual interest in each other ... however you're not sure yet that this interest may lead to marriage or "living happily ever after" YET ...
should you:
1) take the risk of moving a step forward and become a couple (dating) accepting the risk of success or failure afterwards,
2)or you wait till you are sure of everything and then take (or not take) an official step, and risking the lose of the interest itself?
7aga te7ayar,
Mohaly
17 comments:
Option number 1. You jump hoping that everything will work itself out
I second Jessy, Jump in. But make sure you don't go head first :)
Both options are risky, but the risk of loss is worse than the risk of failing.
tabqa el tagroba tag 3ala ro2oos al mogarbeen.
option number one: it's taking a decision involving two people, regarding only on point of view.
option number two is the most common and cautious, but it'll just make you sad and overly realistic.
so, my take, is to communicate the same '7eera' with the other party, in hopes it goes well, if they understand then it's a hit, if they don't, then I probably won't be happy with them anyways.
waiting for others, maybe i have a longer comment in me.
ibrahim, you just caught me writing almost same words :)))
Mohaly
i'd go for the first choice. communicate the interest in open, simple direct words (avoid double meaning to avoid confusion) and see where that leads.
both options are a risk.
but the first one has the positive side in it. in getting together you will "live" the experience and know for sure if its a yes or a no.
second option has a negative, passive side. standing there and waiting. for what???
the liking and mutual interest is already there. then move forward a step and see.you will either get closer or not.
so if its a yes, perfect.
if its a no, fine.
better know it as soon as possible to avoid getting more emotionally involved of either parties.
it would be then less painful to "leave"
Risky risky riskyyyy
@ shimaa: saying “tabqa el tagroba tag 3ala ro2oos al mogarbeen” is so true.
I guess every single situation is an experience on its own, and every person is the own judge of the situation for either option one or two.
Option one: if you are a person who prefers risk and adventure in your life, then you will jump in and head directly for the next step wishing that everything would turn out in your favor. People who take this risk are almost sure that the other party also has feelings towards them, so their bet is kind of safe than risky , it appears to be risky but it not awy. The risk lies in the thought of success and failure, and I guess everything in life has this risk impeded in it, because simply there is no guarantee for anything because things change all the time. You can’t control the dynamics of life, all you can do is work things out the best you can. So for me, if someone knows they have feelings for someone, and that someone also have feelings then jumping in is the best option. Go on and take a step towards happiness.
Option two: this is always the safer bet. The philosophy behind this is, take it slow, get to know each other, grow as being friends, let the other one see the real you and get the chance to have the true feelings. Sa7ee7 if you spend this time and eventually when you get to speak up about ur feelings and found out that they weren’t felt, you will be deeply hurt. Still people think it’s the safer bet.
This leads me to a third option: why not get the help of a mutual friend to do what we call “gas nabd”. This friend would help in knowing if there is a chance in the long future for the couple to be. It’s like if you just stood up in the middle of the road, you are not jumping into a relationship in a hurry, and not waiting for too long. Trying to make sure you are doing the right thing for both of you, and taking care of your feeling so you would minimize the hurt you might suffer from, if rejection was the other party’s choice.
So after all that, is there really something to take away el 7eera :D? I don’t think so, this is one of the topics where there is no correct answer “shakly keda magnona”
and I’m totally with Ibhog on the communication issue. Talk things through either with the other party if you choose option one, or with someone close to take their opinion if you chose option two or three.
PS: sorry for turning it into a post rather than a comment :)
I would go for option one. It's a blessing to feel love ... and if it would end (although very painful) but at least you have had experienced these beautiful feelings.
Option ONE
Nothing is for sure and no one is certain of anything ... So many questions and still unanswered ... Ex: Who will we marry?.. Will we be happy?.. Where will we live?.. Will we have kids?.. Girls?.. BoyS?!.. Will they be good kids?.. Intelligent? .. Religious?.. When, where, how will we die?.. So, I’d suggest you to pray “2este7’ara” after this open “2estechara”,it will help you; Allah knows and we know not. and then Mohaly.. Dear Mohaly..
• Ask yourself.
• Find the answer in your heart.
• Draw the right plan in your perfect mind that always inspired confidence and strength.
Questions:
• What do you want?
• What do you like?
• What makes you happy?
• What puts a smile in your face?
• What adds colors to your black & white life?
• What adds a flavor to your tasteless morning nescafé?
• What makes you want to jump out of bed in the morning?
• What makes you feel complete?
• Who needs you to be happy?
• Who appreciates your independence?
• Who cherishes your strength?
• Who respects your weakness?
• Who wants to give you all you are looking for and more?
• If interest is there, then that’s a good sign- but- What if you lose it forever?! Will this make a difference? Will this leave an empty space? What do you prefer, its presence / absence?
• Is chemistry there? I mean you met, you ate, you talked, you fought, you laughed, you cried,...and what about your moods, depended on each other?
Sorry for the long liste of questions but I found it easier to ask than to answer :)
Quotes:
1) If you really wanna make a change, make a difference, make anything! Start doing it now. Whatever the size of the step is, the barrier to change has just been broken.
2) WHY don’t we feel the value of people or things until we lose them?
Mohaly
Option number one,notice that in such relations if you start thinking you'll never take the second step...
1)So if you want something go and have it before anyone else do.
2)If you start any relation with thoughts that it might fail so make sure that it's not gonna last for a long time,let urself fall in love&let urself taste the feeling of being in love,laugh when she laugh, feel sad when she's..when u think of doing a phone call so she's the one u'd like to hear her voice,when u think about things she said or did there's always a smile on ur face...go ahead fall in love&stop thinking....
i see why option#1 is so appealing... but i also tend to appreciate option#2 (that does not mean i recommend either yet)...
you will need to figure out what that person feels about both options; i.e is she ready to experience something and label the experience, or would she rather explore it subtly from a distance... key word is "ready"...
i know i would panic and freak if someone came to me a la option#1, i would retreat and push him away with all my strength and in the process i might bruise his ego... because i know i am not ready...
i know i would rather be approached a la option#2 because it's label free, because it has all the sparks but the obligations are kept away...
so you see how everyone recommended #1, while i came in saying that #2 would work better for me... so you need to figure out what works for her :)
you can ask her a hypothetical Q, she will figure you out, but she might play slow because she needs the time or space... only you would be able to tell :)
good luck!
First of All , I don't think there's “ be ure of everything “ part , coz you never are too sure and there are things that are known only when you cross to the other side, for example , I’d never ever treat a friend of the opposite sex the way I’d treat my fiancé or the man who has taken over my heart for instance , no matter how close and no matter how much of a sweet talker he gets .
Because of a very simple thing , I’d actually give person # 1 a chance , because he had the guts to do something or even take a minor step regardless the outcome , he put his heart out in the open , and that is no easy thing , no guarantees , just to see if this could be the best thing that ever happened to him , or it’s just an ordinary thing that will lose its momentum someday .
So person #1 gets credit for being brave and realistic , because what’s the worst that could happen anyway , we may not be together , well at least it was worth a try , yes it may hurt a lot if the odds are not in his favor, but you get over it and move on , that’s life .
I have a very nice friend who’s a copy cat of person #2 , he’s very careful when it comes to his heart , that he’s always lingering in the “ Yeges el Nabd ” phase , my god :D , every time he likes a girl , he somehow gets stuck in the pulse checking and sending signals phase and he ends up not really knowing anything , confused and missing out on something , but what If the gurl was like me , do not send pulses to people who has trouble talking about their true feelings , and do not allow the reception of indirect signals !!
So my advice , to you Mohaly , be more like a person # 1 , do not lock up that part of your heart , the part that’s longing for a significant other that will keep it warm , take a chance on love and spare yourself the never lasting “ what if ” part , and some girls are like that , they don’t show their romantic and loving side unless they feel that the guy has earned it , and maybe then you’ll find out that it was worth your while
And memorize this quote by heart : The Brave may not live forever , but the cautious may not live at all ..
p.s : Sorry for taking that much of space :)
reem, i agree to what you said. actually i never saw it consciously this way. maybe sub-consiously yes- why i tended to be open and request that from all arround.
only, the brave doesnt live. he gets killed over and over again :)))
it also depends on how the lady thinks and how she wants to take it further. 1) She might feel reluctant about meeting you - even though in public places - to get to know you better, without puting her family in the picture 2)Or she might be fine with dating you only for a couple of times 3) Or she might have no constraints ref. dating you till you both make up your minds if you want to go one step further i.e. engagement or not.
However, in all cases the 1st step is yours and the rest is based on mutual agreement
no2oul mabrouk:)
Mohaly, option 2 msh mawgood fel 7ayaah aslan. There is no such thing as 'be sure'. You will never be sure unless you tried. w ba3deen eh elly hay7sal if all failed? Ma koll el nass zay el foll ahy.
It is obvious that everybody agree with what we discussed before ,the weird thing is "elegma3" on the same opinion that you should jump in rather than test the water........
Reem, i really liked ur words bec they are so true as nothing in life is guranteed ,and u can never be sure of the outcome of a relationship bec it isn't a busniess deal
Mohaly "MORE RISK MORE FUN" :)
Since we live our life on this planet for once so everything has its risks. Direct actions is the only road to take for reaching a destination since the more you wait to know if this is successful or not, the more you'll suffer and be me7tar which is not a good condition to live with.
I think option 1 shall lead to option 2 when you know, you'll either go for official step or forget about the whole subject.
A final note: if it's not ok, maybe we are not happy for sometime but at least we know and life goes on.
C'est La Vie!
oooooh what a pooor mathmatical Mind!!!Mohaly, I told u before, would u stop over-analyzing n start living.....Im not saying errrmi nafsak...take baby steps, couple of going outs cud be the beginning...I don't recommend going to next step with "hidden doubts"..yet I believe if u are scare to live, u Won't [ fullstop]....We are all facing our fears from time to time, yet we are all out there,Living.....would U consider Embracing Life for a change
Have a great day
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