663) No Hard Feelings -Eps.2- Friendship II !

Today we continue talking about Friendship between Men and Women focusing on signs and how to deal with it..

According to the classification made in post 659, you should be dealing with signs as follows:

1) Potential Lover (love, girlfriend, wife...etc): The guy will always give signals of wanting more than friendship (e.g. showing how much stuff you have in common, exaggerated interest in stuff that arent usually of his interest, long pointless looks, extra nice words, giving u priority over important stuff, or even treating u with aggression...etc). In such case (& if u r interested), don't give explicit signs of interest unless he gave you explicit signs, and don't say it bluntly unless he does, keep on the safe side. If you are a risk taker, then you can give the signs, but be aware that some men (actually many of them) like to make the 1st move (p.s. i am not one of them, i personally don't care who starts).

2) Wanna Sleep with (sex friend, slut,...etc). That is the easiest.. gestures, words, signs are too obvious. For those who know it, use it.. for el 2otat el meghamada, I wont be ur eye opener here ;)

3) Secrets Keeper and Eye Opener (real friend, mutual benefit, his guide in other sex's world). Usually the guy here is cautious at the begining and he gives conservative signs of interest of being together but within formal framework. Ya3ni, for example, if he likes cultural stuff, he may ask you to join him in a cultural event, and most prob. he will be inviting others too. In the outing, he will always be talking about the event and not about you. When he start feeling that you are categorizing him in the same category, he will open up and talk freely about himself without any confusing signs. May be this will develop into love signs later, but at that time, you will be knowing toooo much about him that u will know 3alatoool.

4) Red Lighter (don’t even think, trouble becomes her!) .. Hmm, this is an easy one like no.2, he will always try to not be present or around for a long time. He will also have very short and formal way of communications. He will never initiate an outing or something that make you come closer. If you are not interested, then you just let it go. If you want to show him that he is exaggerating, you need to take slow and easy, and prove -practically- that you are not the one he thinks you are. But you need to understand him first to know how can you have the right approach.

5) Good to know, without real knowledge of how to be classified now (postponed). This is as I said the most confusing. He will give all signs of interest and disinterest, intimacy and rejection. One day he asks you out, the other day he doesn't answer your communication. One day he get you gifts, the other day he ignores an appointment... He likes part of you but still cant take you as a package. He wants to change you to have the right complete picture in his head. Unless you are willing to change this is a dead-end relationship, give signs of rejection. If both of you are confused - 7aga te2ref- then take it slowly, and one step at a time. Don't think much till there is consistency in the relationship and try to be as transparent and honest as possible. El 7ekaya mesh na2sa tawahan!

So what I wanna say here is that there is no one size fits all. It all depends on the kind of communication you both have and how do you usually deal with the other gender. The above classification and tips are just a guide, but every relation has its own unique challenges as well.

Let me stop again & discuss, before getting into Engy's query in episode 3: Why men seem to have buttons? How come they have the ability to say and do things that they are not really feeling?

Mohaly

662) M.O.H.@.L.Y.I.C.S ::: Volume IV !

Oh My God .. It is the 4th year already!!

My last words last year were I hope that we will be together till we celebrate the completion of the 3rd year as we started it together. Wish you all the best, and Happy Anniversary :) & here we are celebrating it.

This blog became another home to me where I have brothers, sisters, cousins, neighbors...etc. A complete virtual life where some of its members I know, others I have just talked too and some never met!

This year was the least in the amount of posts but the most in the amount of interaction and comments. This means that the blog is getting more mature, and this puts me in a position of responsibility. Although I do write as an amatur (even my official articles) but I feel responsbile infornt of my readers and blog followers.

Everytime when I am running out of ideas or topics, I find myself starting a whole new series that leads to another and another, and with your support and assurance that it makes a difference, I was able to go on and on and on..

Since 2007: 662 posts, 6599 comments (some posts were over 50) were posted in 2,385 web pages. 32,090 visitors paid 124,250 visits creating 230,065 page views from 137 countries. Blog Followers has increased from 12 to 59 in the 3^rd year.

Most visiting countries are Egypt (52%), USA (18%), UK (5%), Morocco (4%), Switzerland (4%), UAE (4%), Australia (2%), Germany (2%), Saudi Arabia (2%), & Canada (1%), Other (6%).

I am glad that only half of the people come from Egypt, this enriches the discussions. Noblese I guess you are happy, it jumped to 4% this year.

Average Time on Site is 4.2 mins per visit; i.e. visitors had spent 8697 hours on this blog since it started (that is almost a whole year!). 39% is the average percentage of new visits.

Top Visited Posts in 3^rd Year: Being Yourself Series, The Vision Series (still continuing), Miss Egypt (Post 585), EL Escort wal Doctor (587), Egyptian Map (post 646), Sexual Frustration in Egypt (Post 620), Watch out for what you give women (post 545), 7eena Maysara (post 350), Certainty about Virginity (Post 607), Obama chooses Egypt (Post 559), & 3asr El 7areem (Post 579).

This was definitely the most successful year in terms of statistics and interaction. I hope I can keep it up for you this year as well.

There are soooo many things and stuff in my head I wanna say about the blog and about you the readers, followers, commenters, and how you are changing my life to better and keeping me up when I am down ... I will just say what I have in mind we khalas..

Ibhog: My little brother whom I am proud of, I wish him to rest on a shore soon.

Hisham: The good mind that disapperared fi zereof Ghamda.

Shamiaa: 3amdeedet el Readers! A post without her comment is still incomplete.

Nerro: A beautiful mind & smile, an asset to any blog.. specially here.

Hebba: Mo7ami el Blog! She talks about it better than me.

Merihan: Defet El Sharaf! I wish we can see u more frequently.

Noblese: I really enjoyed your rational and unbaised views. I wish I can see your contribution more often.

Ze2red & Deppy: konbelet 2010! I really enjoyed the energy boost you gave and still giving :)

Batabeet: Still laugh every time I read it :)

Engy & Insonmiac: I don't know why, but when I see your comments in a post, I know that it will be a fruitful one! Hope to see u more often.Pax: Intellectual discussions are missing without your contribution.

Noly & Gjoe: The rational and quiet comments.

Tamer: teskot teskot, we tefagar el kanabel

Gypo: Welcome back my twin mind, welcome back :)

Amina & Ahmed: always present, when will u get married?

Missed: Omar (rabena yefok de2tak), Mona (no comment), Saralona (howa ya omar ya balash), Elham (enti feen), Bo2bo2 & Embee the geeks, Fatima (om Jannat), Khateeb, & Yasmine.

This is in addition to all the new followers, commenters, and those who just read .. (e.g. Salma, Marrianne, Lao, Mohie, Sherry, Neisy, Ahmad, R El Tayeb, Willy, and many others) . Thank You all for trusting me, interacting with what I write, and giving me the chance to make a small positive difference.

Special thank to Marwa Rakha who is a good reader, analyzer, and a good listener as well.

I am sorry if I missed anyone, we are much bigger family than before, but believe me and know that I am very sincere when I say that": I DO LOVE YOU my virtual family :)))

May God Bless you.. where i can always see you around me, and help me to be up to your expectations.

Mohaly

P.S> Happy Mawled as well.

661) The Vision - Episode 6 - Death & After !

It is getting more annoying now...

Last Episode we discussed life and living..

now it is the death's turn..

What does Death represent to you?

How do you see what you are doing in life linked to your death and after life (if you you are a believer of course)?

Should I be happy when I die because I am moving forward? or I should be sad coz I left it all behind?

This cant be answered spontaneously.. this time SIT and think before your share your comments...

Good Luck,

we Rabena Yostor,

Mohaly

660) E3terafat Mohaly - Part 3!

Since I am talking about Friendship and mixed signs, it may be a good opportunity to send some messages and have a new part of "e3terafat mohaly"..

I admit that I have given mixed signs to the following, and I do apologize for any trouble I might have caused. But I swear that the minute I realized I caused confusion, I pulled out and made it clear that I don't wanna cause any more confusion.

W: I was very much interested in your case (personal problem) and wanted to help you. I am afraid that I crossed the friendship line when we started going out together regularly; it seems like dating, and I was the one supposed to make it more clear even though I never talked about "us" as a couple. The day you met me and told me you are confused, it was a slap on my face, and that is why I told you I should pull out, and that is what I did couple of days after this meeting. You are fun to be with and I do enjoy your company, but I don't wanna cause you any more confusion about "us", I don't think friendship can work here as it can cause more confusion.

B: The pure clean and great person who has feelings that can cover the world. I can't deny that I do really love the way you give support to your friends specially when they are down, but I always see you as my older sister, and I do really love you as a human being. Al Hamdullah that I was saying that I can't afford more than friendship since I started feeling your clean and pure feelings towards me. I am really interested in your friendship without having any hidden agendas. You are someone who I and others can't afford losing, but if you don't want it this way, I do respect your decision. You can be my Secret Keeper and Eye Opener and I can be your trusted friend as well, as it has to be a win-win.

R: I am sorry for the situation you have put yourself in. I was very clear that I dont do relations over the net with people I have never met. When you asked for my phone no. I refused, and inisted on keeping our communication online as I was not interested in developing this virtual friendship further than the online world. Sometimes I answered your facebook messages and emails and sometimes I didnt, when I answer it doesn’t mean I am in love, but it means that I just can't keep on ignoring you and my answers were short to the point. But I admit that this is my mistake as I should have been more assertive and block you so that I keep you away from the sad feelings that you passed through. But you have to know that your kind heart should be dedicated to real relations not virtual ones, specially if there is no solid interest from the other party.

Mohaly

P.S. I am sorry guys for disabling the comments for this post. It was an internal shout and a confession that had to be made so that it can reach them. If you have comments about the issue, the Previous, and Next episodes of No Hard Feelings are tackling the same issue but from a general scale, and you can have general comments there.

Howa ana leih daymen ba3taref in February last E3teraf kan in Feb 09 too!!!

659) No Hard Feelings - Eps. 1 - Friendship Part I !

Here we are ... I am starting and have no idea when this series will end, coz till now I have had the plot of 12 episodes in mind, and still more questions coming !! But as I said, I do take it seriously and I hope I can contribute in clearing part of the misunderstanding, but not all of it, coz I think part of the beauty of our relations is these differences and misunderstandings ;)

Friendship .. Why & When?
I will start with the most nagging question, actually the one I have -and still facing- its hell. Is there real friendship between men and women... can men and women just be friends without any hidden agendas? can this friendship last or is it a stage in life....?!!

Actually although the above questions are simple and straight to the point, the answer is VERY complicated...and subjective as well.

Let's start from the beginning of any 2 people knowing each other, what makes them friends?
hmmm. Usually -in my opinion supported by experts opinions- men have this inner classification system where consciously or unconsciously then classify women into:
1) Potential Lover (love, girlfriend, wife...etc)
2) Wanna Sleep with (sex friend, slut,...etc)
3) Secrets Keeper and Eye Opener (real friend, mutual benefit, his guide in other sex's world)
4) Red Lighter (don’t even think, trouble becomes her!)
5) and good to know, without real knowledge of how to be classified now (postponed)

So it all depends on how she is classified from the beginning.
1) Potential Lover: Friendship is a stage to get closer, it either leads to more intimate relation or getting her out of his life. It is very hard to continue as friends here as he will always give you signs of wanting more than being your friend, and it is hard to take it back.
2) Wanna Sleep with :) when I was studying in Los Angeles in the 90s, they used call it "Friends with Benefits" so it is friends afterall .. heheh. I don't think I need to elaborate here, signs are usually blunt from both sides, wala eih ;)
3) Secrets Keeper and Eye Opener: This is the real friendship.. Usually the girl here doesn’t fit the criteria of 1 & 2, and has good mind too, so there is real interest of pure friendship.. however, if this friendship turned out to be love someday, it becomes a very good one coz -in my opinion- love based on friendship is much more durable than love based on feelings only. So signs here are genunie and cant be confused, even if it turned out to be something more, you will be in a stage that you do understand each other without even talking.
4) Red Lighter: He is afraid of getting near hear for one reason or another, so all the signs here will be signs of rejection or over respect, he will be sure not to give any mixed signs. Howa mesh 2adik ;)
5) The good to know has a big share of the mixed feelings, and actually this is the category where the guy himself is confused and can't afford but to give mixed signs, ... it may drive the girl nuts begad!

So what I wanna say is, in order to understand the bigger picture and be able to deal with the signs, you need to figure out how does he think/categorize.. but since this topic is really wide, I will dedicate the next episode for it as well (how to deal the mixed signals), but let's stop here and have some discussion about these stages before going into the 2nd part of "Friendship".

Mohaly

658) FUN ::: 7abbak Bors !

Before we say goodbye to the Valentine's Week, I want to share this with you:

His Banner: Mai, Forgive me please. I sware to God that I love you.

Her Banner: 7abbak Bors !!

Comments please ..

(ya ret law feh explanation kaman in the comments)

Mohaly

657) The Vision - Episode 5 - Life & Living !

You have mentionedwho you are, your mission, what is your uniqueness, and what difference you can make in this world...

Now look back at your life in order to know how did you spend it...

Ask yourself:

What does Life and Living mean to you

Is it the breathing, eating, drinking, sleeping, sex,..etc, or is it something else? or...?

Think about it and share with us..

Mohaly

656) No Hard Feelings - Series Intro !

It is the Valentine's Week again ... last year I have dedicated a whole week of posts for it, and some of you have written about this coverage in their blogs and online magazines.

This year, allow me to interrupt "The Vision" series with a new series that will go in parallel: "No Hard Feelings". This series is mainly dedicated for the signs that men give women and how to understand it right, the problems that arise from mis-understanding, and false assumptions made by women in reading men... I think that the best time to launch the series is while people celebrating the Love festival; the Valentine's ;)

Women -in general- have their own dictionary about men; unfortunately, this dictionary is always written and developed by women. In order to understand a man, you need to know it from a man not a woman, no matter how much this woman know men. You can consider this series -along with "What Men Want" that I have written in Summer 2008- a quick key to better understanding of men.

Men and Women do a big mistake by insisting on evaluating and interrupting each others actions and words with their own perceptions. This ends up in positioning the relation between them as a racing competition rather than an integration. Such noise created by the competition blocks their vision, and make them fail to realize that in a competition there should be a winner and a loser. However, men and women relations can't afford a loser; and hence, both of them will lose on the long term. We can't just keep competing, WE WILL BOTH LOSE.

So before going into this series' episodes, I want you to list what are the stuff that you need me to cover in this series; hence, I can take it into consideration in the rest of episodes. This is not for female audience only, I need men to tell me as well what they want to make it more clear to women to have better understanding and relations..

P.S. This may open the floor for quarrles, so please accept each other's opinions.

... For all the single ladies reading or following my blog ... Happy Valentine's!

xoxoxo ;)

Mohaly

655) The Vision - Episode 4; the Difference !

You know now what you are unique at ...

Now the questions are getting harder ... Take a deep breath, and get it out slowly ... Think with a clear mind: What difference can I make in this world? and let's us know here, we may be able to help...

Tip: You can make a positive difference, a negative difference, or no difference (in this case u r not living).. In order to make such difference, you need to make use of the unique stuff you have in reaching your goals first... then, and only then you can make a real difference..

Mohaly

654) Anti-Smoking Day!

Celebrating the International Anti-Smoking day today by a shocking photo ....

The attitudes of some people with children -even if it was just for fun- has gone far beyond acceptable limits .. If this is not child abuse then I don't know what it is!!

Mohaly

P.S. For all smokers, Who is the boss? You, or the Cig. ?

653) The Vision - Episode 3; Uniqueness!

After answering who you are, you need to know what are you unique at. You can't say nothing, No one is created without a certain talent, skill, ..etc. The smart ones are those who can make use of these skills and turn it into an edge that helps them to be Unique.

So, stand up again, and think ... what can be your edge? and write it here.

Mohaly

652) We Said, We Did, We Deserved !

We said ..

We did ...

We delivered ..

We deserved ..

I wish I can live and see the day Egypt will be doing that in everything not only football.

Mohaly