Men want someone who is supportive. Many women are quick to criticize men in their behavior, career and set about trying to change and mould them (sometimes they do!). This is a crucial mistake. Men can be manipulated yes, but they see their partnerships as support systems. The best relationships work both ways in terms of support. Where a woman is not able or willing to give that support and is too quick to criticize then she may lose her man or at least will push him to seek support 3and wa7da tanya and then te2ol el regala khayna!
Mohaly
I really like this serious of posts. It really reveals that the problem between men and women is really a problem of translation as John Gray said.
ReplyDeleteWhat you described as women's try to fix things is the way women show love.
And I guess that this point is directly related to the previous point. This critisim is a main source for el nakkad.
zay el zan keda, el ragel 3ayez el set teseeboh fi 7aloh, wel set 3ayza wa7ed yakhod be7esaha. fa lazem yela2o no2ta yet2ablo feha. el no2ta di mesh fixed betet3'ayar bel wa2t according to the change in needs.
El regala khayna, 3ashan instead of trying to fix the relation or enhom just end it lw mesh satisfying, beyroo7o yedawaro 3ala elly 3ayzenoh bara.
Lw el ragel focused on fixing the relation by communicating his needs to his partner, or when everything else fail he just cut this relation off mesh haykoon khayen, bas lel asaf the man will maintain relation fashala and keep seeking for support (or whatever he needs)fi 7eta tanya. A thing that I couldn't ever understand :)
Good Morning Bloggers,
ReplyDeleteThis post was the first thing I read today when I woke up. I kept reflecting on it for couple of hours and here is what I have to say.
Because I am not in a relationship with a man at this point, my first thought was remembering my parents. I guess it is the only example I could use.
My parents were so critical but yet supportive. The fact that they criticized me most of the time did not make them any less supportive. Yes, it was hard to get along with them sometimes because I felt that I am being judged and soon I will hear something about what did I do wrong and what could I have done better. At the time it was irritating and annoying but as I grew older I understood that they always wanted me to be the best I could be, I just could not comprehend it at the time. I think maybe if they said what they wanted to say differently, we could of had an easier time getting along.
The reason I say so is because I have caught myself judging others most of the time - which is ok I think, because everyone has an ego that is built in, a lense that they see the universe through and everone has a unique lense - but the thing is if I were to give feedback to someone, am I being tacktful? Am I giving feedback in a way that is threating to others?Am I making them feel wronged and less worthy? Am I being respectful to their presepective on life and how it should be lived- which is everone's right? And most importantly how do I show them that I am supportive?
Citicizing someone's ideas is very healthy as it makes them re-examine their ideas to see if they really hold true. And then one could either choose to drop them or believe in them even more strongly than ever before or simply modify them to make them fit into their belief system and integrate them with other ideas one might have.
I think it takes alot of training to show that you are supportive, and yet be able to criticize someone's ideas and behaviors.
Mona
i agree with mona, and yes shaimaa, i really really this series of posts. Mohaly, u should start thinking of publishing ;)
ReplyDeletesorry i couldn't help it...
ReplyDeleteyou have implies in a way that "yedawar 3ala wa7da tanya" is a justifiable reaction to a non supportive wife and therefore justified el kheyana! aw ya3ne it could be interpreted that way!
it's like those who blame women for sexual harassment because they dress in a certain way without condoning the sick act itself...
although i am not a strong believer in the black/white perspective, and although i do acknowledge the grey area, i would like to just point out that some things are wrong even when there are reasons for it... no matter how many reasons there might be for cheating, it will always be wrong in my books... momken 3ashan it's a sore nerve!
ms. i-have-an-opinion-about-everything
of course not that meaning. It means that this -regardless of what is right and wrong- can lead to that -unwanted- situation of the man leaving the woman, but it doesnt mean it is a justification tab3an.
ReplyDeleteMohaly